rock bottom

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A few days ago, I hit rock bottom. Where as a good friend of mine, is going way over-board with the upcoming baby stuff (we are like days apart), I just got feed up with it and was all blah about it. I have at least six more weeks to go, and have no desire to see this kid at times. I just feel like a test tube for this baby to grow in, like there is no real connection between us. Does that make me a bad person, I don’t know.

Don’t get me wrong, I want kids, I always have, but as of late, the stress of life just got too much. Going to the ER in two weeks is never really a good thing. On the good side though, baby is alright, mom’s just got to learn how to deal with her stress. I would love for someone to tell me, to break it down into terms that I can understand of how I can take a life in my hands and not mess it up. I can barely do on my own, how can I raise another being…to be able to make it in this world.

So I’m just scared right now…to try to make it in this world. The one person who I should be clinging to, I tried ever so hard to shove away, not wanting to hurt him anymore. I feel like I’ve become a leech on him, draining whatever energy he has left. I use him as a back drop for my fears, hurts, and pains. I feel less than dirt when I hang out with him, for I fear that I’m just using him to get something.

So I simply set up a time line, saying after the baby is okay, I’m gone. That life would be better without me in it…and been feeling low ever since…

total eclipse

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Staff Alumni
OH hun you need to be telling your obstetrican about this depression it is caused by a hormonal imbalance it is Alot of women get pre and post partum depression and it needs to be adressed hun so you can feel better okay for you and your child Your child will not survive without you hun Your child will always be sad if you leave always i know Please talk to your specialist now and get the depression looked after as soon as possible your doc needs to know okay
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