Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Terry, Jan 22, 2012.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni


    The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent set up, both men fell sound asleep.

    Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look
    towards sky. What you see?"

    The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."


    "What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

    The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
    Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"


    "You dumber than buffalo shit. It means someone stole tent."
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Fw: The Italian Wedding Test

    I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year so we decided to get married.

    There was only one little thing bothering me..

    It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was Bra-less.
    She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else.

    One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my Sister's wedding invitations', she said.

    She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me.
    She couldn't overcome them anymore. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married.

    She said "Before you commit your life to my sister". Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said. "If you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

    I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

    I stood there for a moment. Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Low and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'Sergio, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son..'

    And the moral of this story is:

    Always keep your condoms in your car.
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Your Evil Twin loves the second story especially! :laugh:
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    The Three Little Pigs


    Once upon a time there were three little pigs
    The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig.

    One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.'
    And he did !


    So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, 'Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house.'
    So the stick Pig let the straw pig in.
    Just then the wolf showed up and said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.'
    And he did!


    So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house and said, 'Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!'
    So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up.
    The wolf said, 'I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down.'
    The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call.


    A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up.

    Out step two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedora hats.
    These pigs come over to the wolf, grab him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him, then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf, then they tied cement blocks around his feet and threw his sorry ass into the creek.
    Then they got back into their Caddy and drove off.


    The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! 'Who the hell were those guys?' they asked.

    'Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs'

    Gotta love those Italians!!
  5. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    yep. second story got me too. thanks Terry.
  6. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I liked all the stories I should do a few rofl's because this thread is titled rofl. I think you did a great job on the stories even though the second was awesome :) :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I hope you continue to write your stories because your doing a good job on them.

  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    haha these are all great! got a good laugh from them
  8. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    haha terry, my poor innocent mind must be getting nfected, cuz i thought the second one great also :p ive heard the first before, but it still very amusing. you one that purina diet yet?
  9. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member


  10. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    I need to do more rofl's :)

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

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