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Roller Coaster

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sleepwalk, Apr 9, 2011.

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  1. Sleepwalk

    Sleepwalk Well-Known Member

    I'd actually been doing.....not well, but better the last while. After nearly a year off work I found a job at what I thought would be a good company, I started digging myself out of the financial hole I was in, and I had managed to better deal with the end of a relationship I really didn't want to end. There had been a couple of dark spots over the past 18 months, but I thought things were turning around.

    Then, amongst a myriad of other crap, the new employer started cutting hours, taking swipes at employees over really stupid crap in a bid, I suspect, to keep us down. And I just found out we're looking at a further reduction in hours including some 3 and 2 day weeks. I'm sitting here with $200 in the bank, a mortgage payment due on Monday, and I find myself in a very familiar place, just wishing it was all over. Having decided on the means should that day come, if I had the tools at my disposal it would be over.

    Seriously, does the roller coaster ride ever end?
  2. Are you able to switch jobs..??
  3. Sleepwalk

    Sleepwalk Well-Known Member

    Been looking. Not much going on around here, and what is out there pays dick.
  4. viapoetry

    viapoetry Member

    how much is your payment?

    Can you look for new jobs, or get two crap paying jobs, just for now. Can you sell some basic things you own?
  5. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    You weren't totally clear on this, so I'm going to ask, are you feeling like you're going to kill yourself?
  6. Sleepwalk

    Sleepwalk Well-Known Member

    Looking into all of that. Been trying to sell stuff off but most of what I have left is worth nothing. My vehicle, which is ten years old and which I need to get to work, is currently in the shop for a recall issue. Fortunately I am in a rental replacement which is covered by Ford.

    With my mortgage (which comes out weekly) my overdue maintenance fees, and my phone bill, I am looking at coming up $1,000 short. And the bills continue to mount. I would cancel my phone and internet but that makes finding a job these days much tougher if not virtually impossible. Of course, the way things are going, I may end up living in the rental car.
  7. Sleepwalk

    Sleepwalk Well-Known Member

    As I said in the original post, if I had the tools at my disposal (which I won't mention as I will not reference my chosen method) it would have happened already. If I could lie down and will myself to not wake up tomorrow, I would not wake up tomorrow. I don't know how long I can hold out before I actively seek out what I need to end it the way I want to.
  8. herenow

    herenow Well-Known Member

    it's just money...money doesn't really matter. It's just our capitalist society making you like this! I know people who've been homeless by choice/out of necessity although not too well and they got themselves back to a better life! There are independent companies where you can loan out money, although I don't know they're names, but do a google search, I'm sure you'll find it.
  9. Sleepwalk

    Sleepwalk Well-Known Member

    The money's just the final nail in the coffin, if you will. But on top of everything else if I do end up losing this place and destined to live on the street, when they come to evict me they'll be carrying me out in a body bag.
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