Rollercoaster of emotions

[IlVostro]

My parents finally arrived home from Spain on Friday. I don't believe I have ever missed them or needed them as much as I recently did. I spoke to my mother (who suffers from depression and thought of suicide before) I told her how close I was to taking my life. She was upset but understood. A couple of months ago my doctor took me off paxil and put me on wellbutrin to quit smoking. Well I cannot be off my paxil....we have now learned that. I told my mother about my medical debt, the shit with my so-called friends, my suicidal thoughts etc. She hugged me and told me that she loved me. I used to HATE my mother. She divorced my father, married a rapist, and never seemed to be a mother to me...I always was alone to fend for myself. I realize how much she is my mother now, sad finally at the age of 26.

I am still sad about friends. I have had my friends for 10+ years and they have turned their backs on me. My holidays were depressing and my birthday was a disaster. Recently I started getting a bit aggressive with my friends due to the fact that none of them want to grow up and halp with real issues. They think life is unicorns and rainbows. Oh well. I am in school and I am busy, right. I don't need to have a lot of friends. I have my 2 dogs who always love me, my parents who always try to help, and well my strength that I have within......

Right? God this started off somewhat happy and now....I am depressed again thinking about my ao-called friends....fuck! What to do?

 

[paulj]

It's really good that you got closer to your mother. It seems like it is an important step. I have kind of given up getting closer to mine. We have some kind of understanding and we just leave it at that basically. But I think there is something really missing inside me from the years she was too worried about her own problems and those she had with my dad or brothers and sisters etc.

 

[Stranger1]

I'm glad you and your mom have grown closer..She does love you or she wouldn't have said it..If you don't have anyone in RL that you can talk to then come on here andtalk or vent your frustrations..I'm sure someone on here at the time will talk with you..Take care!!

 

[doityourself]

you take this time to get close to your mom, your right its to bad that your 26, but you still have alot of time to learn and really get to know her as a woman, not a mom. Its sad that you will have this in common but good because she does understand and will know where your coming from when you say certain things (even if you dont mean them)

I wish you all the best. Hugs

 

[solutions]

You have every right to have conflicting emotions regarding your mother, considering what you said she had done that upset you. They're not right or wrong, they just are. I never know whether to love or hate my father, since he's done extremely hurtful things to me and my mother in the past and continues to, but he also has provided tremendous support in areas that seriously count.

Just take care of yourself. You will likely have more conflicting emotions in the future about the things she's done that have helped you versus the things that have hurt you. You don't have to see her as all-good or all-bad. The best you can do is appreciate the things she's done for you while resolving in your heart what she's done that has hurt you in the past.