Sorry to sound so morbid in the thread title but it was more intended for sarcasm! Hi everyone!!!! I returned after leaving the boards to focus of treatment and recovery. Unfortunately, things didn't workout as smoothly as I "thought." I spiraled pretty fast and intensely. It truly was a situation that NOTHING could be done by my doctors, family or friends....my life was in the hands of fate. I had a suicide attempt in April and just in the nick of time of 6 seconds, paramedics were able to bring me to safety. The county again was called and I threatened them to leave me in the inpatient side of the hospital rather than the "looney" facilityn or I would hang myself there....I was truly not voluntary but the atmosphere was much better. My high risk status didn't give me much authority over myself and I was hospitalized much longer than allowed in that ward. The psychiatrist was reluctant to release me and called the county again for higher form of care.....in the midst of all this, I lost my job....in fact, my boss is NOT allowing me to come back even if I have a release to work. Depression is a condition almost all employers don't take seriously.... Anyway, yes it's been a struggle.....my new psychiatrist who I have never met, decided they could not help me. My high risk status seems to be shunning alot of clinicians. My former psych sent me a letter to imply the same..... So here we are again and I know all of you understand and are struggling so at least we have each other...... Such is Life.......pass the wine!