Ok this is something I want to share as I feel sharing will remove some of its power it holds over me. But it will be difficult without mentioning methods, so I'll try to be mindful. Back on my first marriage with my mentally ill and suicidal wife at the time (I was not suicidal back then but was being treated for depression, about 10 years ago) she almost attempted at a certain suicide hotspot which also happens to be a tourist location. I've been having suicidal thoughts for months now but with my current wife one day out and about we ended up going to this location to have coffee and admire the view. Its like something entered me and said "this is how it is meant to end for you". The sheer beauty of the place and what has happened there and still happens there is mesmorising, it has a pull, a power over me I can not explain. I havent stopped thinking about this location, every single day for weeks, it is so accessible and easy. And the method is so unforgiving. I dont want to be locked up in a nuthouse but I need help. I don't want to be a hunk of meat at the bottom of a cliff. I want to live in peace, love people again, be able to see the good in people, live in peace from my own feelings. On the outside I look strong, prone to mood swings as my wife would tell you but otherwise healthy. but inside I died that day and I just have to return to complete my destiny.