I'm not too sure what this is, but it's come back full circle. I figured talking about it would help, but I don't think there's a single thing anyone could say or do that would fix how I feel. Sometimes it just comes on strong and I'm not even sure if I know how to fix it. I'm manic, but lacking the proper medication, so I just have to wait for it to pass. Though, in these down times I've managed to plan out everything, cover whatever bases I have just so I know when low gets to lowest I can just leave. It's not that I don't think people wont care, I know they will. I used to be so absurdly into thinking that I had no friends and they wouldn't miss me, but I know they would. I know my mom, who treats me horribly and uses me, would grieve, but it wouldn't be sincere. I don't know how to combat intrusive thoughts. So, how do I get rid of this?