It's a beautiful day, but I feel so weighed down. I'm short on money and short on time. I don't know how we're going to pay our bills due at the end of the month. I'm upset because I spent hours making special food for my husband and now he doesn't want to eat it. He's not being a jerk about it, but it makes me feel like a failure. I'm alone today on Christmas Eve, and I'll be alone tomorrow too. I want to do something special or meaningful to make me less depressed, but the depression has sucked my energy making it almost impossible for me to do anything. I can't stop thinking about suicide. It's been getting worse and worse. I can't go an hour without thinking about it. I know I won't do it in the near future (unless something drastically changes), but it's incredibly draining to constantly be in this fight with myself.