Rough night

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brookie, Feb 2, 2015.

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  1. brookie

    brookie Member

    It's almost 2am and here I am again with a bottle of vodka. I know I shouldn't drink because it makes you more depressed etc etc. but this is how I choose to cope with things for now. I was ready to die last night. I was there, doing what I was going to do, and then I stopped. I remembered that I haven't written notes to my children. So here I sit tonight trying to write out these darn letters and I'm drawing a blank. It's probably the alcohol messing me up but I can't leave this world without an explanation to them.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. You are important and I understand you are struggling at the moment. You need to remain strong and keep posting here for support. Your children are important and please remember that. Yes, I understand that the vodka is a way to escape and forget your struggle. You need to remain calm and not act on your feelings.

    You are worthy of living and we understand what you are going through. It took a lot of courage to post here and that's shows that you want to live. You want someone to listen to you and so I am. Please think that someone does care about you.

    Please keep posting here as we will help you. Be STRONG my friend and be SAFE.
     
  3. brookie

    brookie Member

    Thank you.
     
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You welcome but keep posting here as life is important. Be safe my friend.
     
  5. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    :hugtackles:
    Your kids want and need you! We will listen here.
     
  6. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    shouldn't commit sober or drunk. looks like kids are your source of light, hold to the light
     
  7. brookie

    brookie Member

    I appreciate all the support. I understand this makes me look like a terrible mother but I love my kids more than anything in the whole wide world. I'm not going to do this to hurt them or because I don't love them. I'm going to do this because they are better off without me. I am worthless and pathetic and their lives will be much better without me. Ugh I honestly don't even know why I'm here. I didn't plan on it but something drew me to this place. This is just all very frustrating. I'm sorry for sounding so whiny.
     
  8. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    this place draws people in need.
    and people in need help the people in need.
    what do you do to them or with them that makes you think you re such a bad mum?
     
  9. brookie

    brookie Member

    I would never do anything bad to my kids. I just mess things up, simple things. And my husband reminds me of it every day and he is right. The kids don't need a screw up in their lives.
     
  10. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    no no i wasn t implying that.
    just meant they have close bond with you? do they comment on the tiny things you mess up?
     
  11. brookie

    brookie Member

    We are very close, they don't comment on it.
     
  12. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i hope you hold on, your husband should shush.
    and you just try concentrating on the love you have for your children and life. it can be improved and fixed
     
  13. brookie

    brookie Member

    I hope so. Thanks, and thanks for the chat.
     
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