It's almost 2am and here I am again with a bottle of vodka. I know I shouldn't drink because it makes you more depressed etc etc. but this is how I choose to cope with things for now. I was ready to die last night. I was there, doing what I was going to do, and then I stopped. I remembered that I haven't written notes to my children. So here I sit tonight trying to write out these darn letters and I'm drawing a blank. It's probably the alcohol messing me up but I can't leave this world without an explanation to them.