i just wanna scrrrrreeam right now. tho i can't cuz my family's all asleep here alrdy, im the only lune who's up. lately the urge to cut is just so strong i wanna hit something or break something or just scream my lungs out. tht's a little hard to do tho with others around. i kno how stupid cutting is, the release is only momentary, and it brings so much trouble with the aftercare, meaning more like hiding. i also got P.E. tomorrow, another very troublesome thing, especially if i got any fresh cuts, they're pretty easy to notice. tho sometimes i wear long gloves then, tho it's rly weird when i won't take em off for physical ed. lol. i kno it's stupid, it'll just hurt me more in the end, it's selfish in the sense that if ppl close to me notice, im gonna worry them, tho im not doing tht bad anymore, im not gonna do anything rly stupid. sometimes i feel totally numb about everything, sometimes i feel almost like rage, like now. i wonder what wud happen if i randomly screamed at school during a lesson lol, and if ppl looked at me funny i'd go like "what?". even tho cutting is such a useless thing, i still feels such a drive towards it it's gonna make me go crazy, or tht's what it feels like. well, if anyone's got suggestions for how to calm down, i'd rly appreciate it.