Rubber Gloves

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Terry, Dec 5, 2011.

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  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Next time you use a pair of rubber gloves, you're going to smile when you think of this:

    A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was
    nervous so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves..

    'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked.

    'No, I don't,' she replied.

    'Well,' he spoofed, 'there's a building in Canada with a big tank of latex, and workers of all hand sizes walk up to the tank, dip in their hands, let them dry, then peel off the gloves and throw them into boxes of the right size.'

    She didn't crack a smile.

    'Oh, well. I tried,' he thought.

    But five minutes later, during a delicate portion of the procedure, she burst out laughing.

    'What's so funny?' he asked.

    'I was just envisioning how condoms are made!'

    (Gotta watch those little old ladies! Their minds are always working!)
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    A Cat in Heaven




    A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, 'You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.'

    The cat thought for a minute and then said, 'All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.'

    God said, 'Say no more.' Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.

    A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat.

    The mice said, 'Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.'

    God answered, 'It is done.' All the mice had beautiful
    Little roller skates.

    About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.. God gently awakened the cat and asked, 'Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?'

    The cat replied, 'Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!'
     
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    A Cat in Heaven - :rofl: - but, Terry, pleeease don't give my cat any more ideas!
     
  4. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    Oh man! Both of these are just awesome! I'm sharing the first one with my family just cuz I got so many family memebers that will DIE laughing over that one and will keep sharing it!
     
  5. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    lmaooooooooo
     
  6. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Alumni SF Supporter

  7. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    lol! :lol!:
     
  8. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Haha, I love the one about the cat :) Cute!
     
  9. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3
    ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending." He stopped the
    hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty
    good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?" The hunter shrugged and handed
    the ducks to the warden. The warden took one of the ducks, inserted
    his finger into the duck's rectum, pulled it out, sniffed it, and
    said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington
    state hunting license?" The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly
    showed the warden a Washington state hunting license. The warden took
    a second duck, inserted his finger in the bird's rectum, pulled it
    out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an
    Idaho state hunting license?" The hunter, a bit put out, produced an
    Idaho state hunting license. The warden took a third duck, conducted
    the same finger test, and said, "This here's an Oregon state duck. Do
    you have an Oregon state hunting license?" Once again, only this time
    more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license. The
    warden, a little miffed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to
    the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the
    hell are you from?" The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said
    "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"
     
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