I had the opportunity to interview Rudolph last week for the periodical magazine, "Reindeer Monthly." After the interview and the more I thought about it, I have decided to start a campaign to raise monies for a defense fund for the poor guy. Here are highlights from that interview; Me: So Rudolph, it is common knowledge that as a child you were teased a bit. Would you like to set the record straight on this issue? Rudolph: Oh man, I have been dreading that question for years. But thanks in part to my therapist, I feel I have the mental fortitude to answer it. And yeah, I have been seeing a therapist, do you wanna make something of it? I will shove my antler so far up your.. Me: (interupting) Now hold on, it's ok. I just have to ask the question..can you continue? Rudolph: Ok, let me catch my breath.....alright...sorry about that..I just get so angry when I think about those days. You said the words, "teased a bit." TEASED A BIT?!! Bitch, I was bullied, hardcore. I mean it was bad....yeah everyone knows they called me names...everyone knows they didnt let me play in those stupid reindeer games...but it was a lot worse! Me: Can you give us an example? Rudolph: Sure...well let me think, oh yeah, I remember. We have elves whose sole job is to feed us, clean out our pens (you know picking up our poop and so on). Well, contrary to what people think, we eat oats, as the majority of our food. One day, at dinner, the elves brought the oats to all of us. Except...mine was colored with red food coloring...yeah, I played it off at the time. But I didnt sleep that night. I mean, Damn, the frickin' elves too!!!!! Rudolph: There are so many others...for example, one time, I got a black prosthetic nose, to cover it up, you know, the red..well anyways, that damn nose glowed thru and made the frickin thing look orange!! I really got bullied over that one. And let me tell you one more thing...everyone talks about that damn Christmas Eve when it was foggy, and how I sved the day. I want to put the record straight on that one too! Santa, felt sorry for me. He didnt need my help. Oh sure, the light from my nose, cut thru the fog a bit, but think about it. Santa has been making that route for eons of time. That man could run that route in his sleep. I mean, it's not like there was a lot of air traffic back in those days. Me: Wow that's amazing. How are you doing these days? Rudolph: Well I went to the booze, and spent many years in a bottle. One day, I had enough of the booze and life and so I decided to go into therapy. I have raked up a ton of medical bills since, and have had to declare bankrupcty 5 times. But I have come to accept my fate. Me: That's terrible. It's not your fault, you know that right? Rudolph: Yeah, that what the Doc says. What's your point? Me: Point is, you can seek legal help. You should sue them! As I matter of fact I can help! We can sue, Santa Claus, Inc...your local Reindeer Union and anyone else we can think of. Rudolph: Sounds great, how do we begin? And so that's the interview highlights. We are setting up trust fund to get the monies needed to defend him and to see that justice is served. If you would like to donate, please call, 800-555, No Ho Ho Ho Thanks for your time!