ruined a good time

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by grinded serenity, Jun 19, 2009.

  1. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    for the last two weeks ive been on vacation with my father and brother. it started out better than i had hoped, i was being social for the first time in several months. i was going out, playing basketball, hiking, fishing, having a good time with my fam. about 4 days in though.. something just clicked in my head. stopped talking, stopped going outside, even stopped eating. which isnt unusuall, i went through that for months, but this time i just sat in my room, doing nothing. sitting there, staring at nothing listening to heavy metal music. i stopped talking completely, only answer in mono tones, when somebody would ask me whats wrong i wouldnt say a thing. yesterday my dad told me i ruined the vacation for both my brother and himself, that hes not going to put up with my behavoir. well... i ruined something my dad payed thousands of dollars for.. what a great son i am, right? ive been dicking everybody, and for what? because im too much a pussy? well SF?!?!? jesus, im so god damn pathetic i have to ruin other peoples days too? i see NO reason i shouldnt end it, im just bringing everybody around me down.
  2. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    heya i can relate 2 ur post.iv been told many times how iv ruined things by bein unsociable n depressed and all.but i cant help it - i just lock myself away for some reason.cant help it.dont wana do it.but i do.
    i know its hard but try not 2 let what he said get u down.its fustratin when ppl dont undrstand i know.sorry if this doesnt help.but jus wanted u 2 know ur not alone. :hug:
  3. [I posted this in the wrong place.]
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2009
  4. I am so sorry about what happened. I don't know if what I've got to say will help — but maybe so, so here it is.

    For your own sake, please don't kill yourself — your life can be far better than it is now. But even putting yourself aside, since you obviously care about your family, there's something else to think about. You may have ruined your brother's and dad's vacation, but if you commit suicide, you will ruin their lives. The pain of a suicide is agonizing, and they will never stop asking themselves if there was something they could have said or should have seen. And your mother (if she is around) .... With treatment and time, your suffering is very likely to stop and can certainly diminish. But, if you take your own life, you will create in others suffering that is guaranteed to never stop. If you're getting to that point, please call a hotline. However worthless you think you are, you don't want others to be hurt, and we don't want you to be hurt.

    Can someone who feels pain for others, who senses right and wrong, be worthless? Those are maybe the greatest characteristics people can have. We haven't met, but just from the way you expressed your feelings of guilt, there's one thing I already know: I'd rather be around you than someone who gets along fine in life, makes his parents proud, and doesn't give a shit about other people. There are lots of those people, and not enough of you — so please hang on.

    If you ever want to chat, about something or nothing, PM me and let me know what services you use.