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Running Away *trig maybe*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ~Nobody~, Apr 6, 2007.

  1. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    What is wrong with everyone around me?!

    Or is it really just me? :sad: Do I just inspire people to act like pricks? Do I just make people piss me off and treat me like shit?

    I'm going out of my mind! I feel so trapped. I want to get well away from here, I just want to run away. I haven't really thought this way in ages, I just think about killing myself, but right now I just want to steal some money and get as far far away from it all as I possibly can. Go where I don't know anyone.

    I've cut myself a lot now :sad:. I tried to reach out first, I text a couple of friends I know will at least say something sympathetic but no one replied.

    My boyfriend is a drunken bloody idiot. :mad: Why should I be okay with that?? Or is this just me being unreasonable again? :unsure:

    I'm supposed to be packing for my holiday with him right now. I don't want to. I don't want to be around him AT ALL. I just want to pack and then go off on my own somewhere. Fuck everyone else. AND FUCK MY STUPID BITCH OF A MOTHER! :mad:


    :mad::mad::mad: arrggggggggggg razor blade I'm coming back to you again now. :cry:
  2. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Oh and now I look like the rude, ungrateful one. Thanks a bunch you dickhead. Thanks a fucking bunch. :blub:
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Noddy, there aint nothing wrong with wanting to leg it...been thinking about doing it meself for the last 3 months. Sometimes other peeps wants and demands can just get too damn overwhelming.
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I don't think it's you Nobody. People in this world are generally assholes lately. They think of themselve and themselves only, granted i don't know the whole situation but I don't think you inspire people to act like pricks, i just think that alot of people these days get pure enjoyment on being pricks. AND you do not deserve being treated like shit, no one does. People think it's okay to treat people like that in this world and it's not because all it does is destroy that person. You are worth more than that honey.

    If you ever need to talk about things when you feel likee you are on the verge of hurting yourself please feel free to PM here or PM me when you read this and if you have MSN I'll give you my screenname. Im always willing to listen.

    You shouldn't be okay with your boyfriend being a drunken idiot. My mom is a drunk(i know big diff. from boyfriend) but I can't be around her b/c it makes me feel sad that she's ruining her life because of alcohol. You aren't being unreasonable about your bf being a drunken idiot, i wouldn't want my bf to be one either..because allt hat's going to do is lead to trouble.
  5. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Hey, thanks for the replies.

    Know the feeling! Sorry you're feeling this way though. :hug:(Oh, by the way, every time I see you or Caz call me Noddy I smile. So thanks for that :smile:)

    Thank you. That means a lot to me :hug:. It's very sweet of you. I will PM you sometime soon, but I am going away tomorrow and I won't be back online 'til next Friday :sad:.

    My mum is a drunk too :dry:. It sucks, I know. Sorry that your mom's like that.

    As for my boyfriend... he's not actually an alcoholic or anything. In fact it's really me who uses it that way :unsure: . But last night he just got completely and utterly pissed. It was disgusting. He was throwing up and he literally couldn't even keep his head up or talk or anything never mind walk. A (male) friend was luckily prepared to do most of the 'nursing', because my boyfriend was a dead weight like that and I'd never have been able to move him around like our friend did. I got so, so angry and sick of the whole thing after a few hours. I felt like I should be being sympathetic, but I was just so angry!

    It was pathetic! And really stupid and dangerous and everything else. We thought we were going to have to call an ambulance for a while. He kept going in and out of consciousness and he was just a total mess. Eventually he decided to take off his trousers and go to the toilet (luckily IN the toilet which is more than could be said for most of the vomit) in front of everyone (and we are not talking about going for a piss here). I got so so angry. It's frustrating and disgusting and just about the last thing I (or anyone else!) needed. He just wouldn't do what we said. I felt like I was dealing with a disobedient dog or something. How fucked up is that?? Surely I'm a bitch to feel that angry?

    I stayed with him helping out and trying to comfort him for a few hours, but him doing that was just the final straw. I couldn't take it. I knew if I stayed I was going to really slap him, I wanted to SHAKE him... so I had to leave our friend to it.

    I have to put up with looking after my mum enough, the last thing I need is him being like that too! I use alcohol as a crutch, and I know I shouldn't, but I have never been that drunk in my life, and I've never seen anyone else that drunk in person either. I never drink to the point where I can't look after myself, and I've only once been sick from drinking too much. It's just not on. And I warned him repeatedly and repeatedly that he would be sick if he drank any more. But he did it anyway.

    And I've had my mum AT ME AND AT ME AND AT ME today for NO REASON AT ALL!

    I hope I fucking die in a train crash or something when I travel tomorrow. Then she'll be fucking sorry and maybe she'll sort her fucking life out!!

    :mad: :mad: :cry: :blub:
  6. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    Aw, sweetie...:hug: :hug: :hug:

    I don't blame you for being angry. My quasi-boyfriend isn't exactly an alcoholic, but everytime he gets drunk, it's a nightmare. We went to a party at New Year's and he got so wasted that his brother and I practically had to carry him out. Since that night, I won't be around him when he's drinking. He said/did a lot of embarassing stuff that night, and he wouldn't listen to anything I said. He said some really mean things to me, too, and even though I knew he was drunk, I ran out of the room crying. He didn't follow me, didn't try to apologize. The next day he didn't even remember it, but does that mean it was okay? NO! Being drunk is NOT an excuse because you control how much you drink. You warned him, and he didn't listen...it's not your responsibility to babysit him. Did he at least express regret or apologize the next day? Does he often act like this? If it's a one-time mistake and he's sorry about it, try not to be too angry...

    But if you want to go somewhere on your own, do it. Sometimes people need to be alone, and maybe it would give you a good chance to cool down. If you do decide to go with him, I hope you have a good time. Hope you're feeling alright...take care. :hug:
  7. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Hey you, thanks for replying :hug:.

    Well he's never got like that before. I don't really like him drinking because he doesn't know his limits. He is a total lightweight but he's in denial about that, so he always has to drink a few more than he actually should do. He gets really stupid when he drinks. Not usually throwing up and things, but he comes over as very arrogant and full of himself. It's embarrassing if we're with other people, and it means that sometimes he can just act like a total jerk and say very insensitive things to me. He doesn't get why it upsets me. He's like a different person when he's had a little too much to drink, and I hate it.

    He has apologised this morning. Sort of. He always plays the "you're the alcoholic" card, which is utterly twattish and also pretty irrelevant (isn't it?). I abuse alcohol in the sense that I drink to calm me down, to make me sleep, to forget about the bad stuff for a little while, but I know my limits and I'm rarely drunk. And I'm never DRUNK in front of other people. I know when to stop. So really it's not the point. No-one has ever objected to the way I behave when I've been drinking. It genuinely just relaxes me. Whereas it makes him act like a dickhead, and my mum act like an utter bitch/slut/maniac. And it made my mum's ex very violent. I'm not like that at all. I don't even cry unless something else happens (my mum does).

    I love the idea of going away on my own. And hate it at the same time. It sounds like a wonderful escape, but in reality the hassle I'd get for it (from my boyfriend, my mum, and so on and so on) means it would be far from a break. I'm in love with the idea though. I'd love to just disappear myself for a while, but I have a feeling I'd never come back :unsure:.

    I just want to scream. I hate how much anger is in me.

    And I hate it when my boyfriend acts like my mum or her ex or whatever in terms of alcohol. It's not fair :sad:.

    God I'm pathetic. Whine whine whine...
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 6, 2007
  8. lostcat95

    lostcat95 Guest

    Don't run away, this will not help!