Last night, the power went out. That is a relatively normal thing, but why that means at my house is that my stepmother no longer has a distraction. She is an insomniac, and if she has to stay awake bored she wants everyone else to stay awake also despite whether or not they have to wake up early tomorrow or if they have been waking up early. My frustration isn't so much with having to stay awake as much as it is to how she chose to entertain herself. I didn't technically do anything wrong, so she couldn't do anything to "punish" me but she still went after me. She spent hours insulting me for not forcing her to get up and go to a doctors appointment, but the last time I tried to, she was furious because I questioned her. This time, I didn't question her, but it was still my fault because it was my appointment and my problem. Only an idiot would think she had a plan while she was lying in bed resting. I'm not college material, and the only thing I will do in life is sweep the ground at amusement parks, which is the only thing I'm good at. I'm so lazy and stupid that I should just be taken back to "homeschool" and clean her floors all day. That's what I'll be doing in life. She kept me awake by having me exercise on the floor in front of her while telling me how out of shape I was and how I was "jiggling". I weigh 106 pounds, I know she is lying but it still hurts to look in the mirror and see all the things that need to change. Luckily she got distracted by her phone, so it could have been worse. What just really stung about this time though was what my mom said to me this morning. She told me that I should have just been quiet. I get she was trying to tell me that whenever I respond it is like letting her win, but I would only respond with one sentence to try to answer the question. The point is though, that the only way to get by somewhat unscathed is to withdraw even further. It isn't like this time was even particularly bad, I'm just kind of sad because it just gets lonely and it is tiring trying to stay positive.
You are so obviously NOT STUPID! You articulate in your posts very well. You are not able to do that if you are stupid. Short of self esteem? Yes, without a doubt. Short on confidence? Most certainly. Stupid? Not a cat in hells chance. I honestly believe that once you break free of this cycle you are in with your family, you will blossom into a very kind, caring and intelligent woman. You just need to start believing that as well. Its how to break the cycle, that is the $64000 question. I am sure other members here are far better qualified than I am to advise about that. I can only tell you, in your shoes, I would leave. I left home at 11 years old because I could not and would not stand the way things were. I lived with my old man for 2 yrs then ended up in foster care. But that's easy for me to say, it was a very long time ago. But could it ever be a possible solution for you, to just walk away?
SinisterKid is right here. Absolutely right, there another options for ya and if I listed em off this post would be too long. We'll be helpin ya out with this, you work on findin an alternative besides livin where you are now. Don't hurt yourself this ain't worth it, you can't let your stepmother win.
Sorry to hear that you are going through this Magdalene I've read some of your other posts, and your step mom sounds like a complete psycho. That's got to be hell to live with. www.hotpeachpages.net has a world-wide listing of domestic abuse and domestic violence resources. There may be something there that can help you. It's also probably a good idea to try to clear your browser history of sites like this in case you step-mom tries to keep track of you. You might be able to tell someone at your school what you are going through, but the hotpeachpages may be the best place to start I really hope that things can get better
