Today was terrible. I was walking down the street openly crying and people were looking at me. I have an appointment at the doc tomorrow to get meds, I don't want to take drugs but I know for sure that I am going to do something f***** up if I stay like this. Theres nowhere to hide, I have to go to work every day and those people can see that there is something wrong with me. I feel like an animal in a trap, and as I struggle in it I just get more entangled. I don't want to go outside, I cant stand people looking at me. All I can think of is my method and where I would go to do it, and how to carry it out. Holding on til tomorrow but tomorrows just another nightmare, I feel sick with anxiety, everything I do could end in disaster and I cant stop thinking of all the things that are going to go wrong. Anxiety nightmare. I just need it to stop.