Running out of options.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by x.R.x, Sep 20, 2008.

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  1. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    Tbh I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I just can't cope anymore. I've tried my hardest since January to keep myself going, to get my life back on track after I just broke down and pretty much stopped living and lost everything. It's been all over the place since, just when I think things are finally looking up for me I come crashing back down again.
    And now, I've lost the one person that kept me going. I've tried getting help, been to the doctors only to be ignored. I'm so scared of asking for help from others as well, it's pathetic. I always put on an act to show I'm ok and then wonder why the hell I did it when I know I could have done with some help. I guess I feel ashamed, that people will want to lock me up and think I'm crazy.
    Now that I've lost the person that I love more than anything I just simply don't know what to do. To top it off I'm pregnant as well so I'm trying my hardest to keep going for the sake of my baby...but what sort of mum would I be anyway?? My baby is better off without me, but I don't want to end things now cos I'd kill my baby too. Seriously though, I've run out of options to cope. I don't know how I'm gonna keep myself going anymore. I may sound selfish, but I'm at the end of my tether.

    How do you keep yourself going when every minute of everyday is a struggle?? :cry:

    Wow, sorry for the length of that post...guess I needed to vent a bit.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey x.R.x,
    Yes you do need to take care of your baby. Does this other person know you are pregnant? I don't know if you have been in therapy, if you haven't then you should check into it. Most therapists are pretty helpfull. Some times you need to try with one if that fails then try another one. It took me three tries before I found Gina. She is great!!
    I am sorry you are so down right now!! I relate because I live on a thin line. I too am suicidal. Have been for the last fifteen years. I don't know about before that because I was stoned all the time.
    Hopefully once you have the baby that she/he will occupy some of your time so you get a break from the thoughts!! Take Care and hope to talk to you later!!:chopper:!!
  3. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    I live for today. Don't worry about tomorrow until tomorrow. That's how I cope. That's how I've been coping for close to 20 years. It's flawed but it works and keeps you going.

    Find a way to exist that you can tolerate and hope things will eventually improve. If they don't, at least life will be tolerable.

    About the loss. You should never love anyone more than you love yourself. I know that's cynical and selfish and cold but it's for your own good. Because the bottom line is that everybody else puts themselves first.
  4. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    Hey sweetie

    Well done for posting and letting it out , I was in a similar situation this time last year but i focus on reasons to be strong as best I can , I have 4 children and the love for them has always gotten me through , u havent had ur baby yet so please take care bc when u lay eyes on him/her you will realise u do have a purpose u will be the best person in the world in that babys aeyes and thats what i think when im having a bad day sometimes , if i feel worthless and hopeless I just remember that to 4 ppl im just about the most special person in their lives . Be strong hun keep fighting , baby steps at first , eat healthily and practise safe living .

    lots of :hug:

    Jo x
  5. x.R.x

    x.R.x Well-Known Member

    Yeah he knows I'm pregnant. I've not been in therapy, I'm really not good talking about my feelings at all so that kinda puts me off a bit. I've been offered counselling but completely chickened out cos the thought of it just really scares me. I wouldn't have a clue what to say! I'm sorry you've been suicidal for so long! :sad: I dunno how you cope! It's great you've got a good therapist though!

    I've never really thought about it that way, not loving anyone more than yourself I mean. Makes a lot of sense though, I'll give it a try!

    Hopefully I will be, but I can't help but worry that I'm just gonna screw things up somehow and be a bad mum cos I can't get rid of these feelings of not wanting to be here anymore :sad: I'm gonna try my hardest though.

    Thanks for the replies guys! x
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