running out of time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pollo, Nov 7, 2010.

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  1. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    I am running out of time, does anyone have a checklist? I mean I know I have to write a suicidal note and leave some papers arranged. I will also transfer my money to another bank account. Any other tips?
    It s hard to say this but I am even excited of seeing my time is coming, it is just a matter of a few days.
     
  2. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    Pollo,
    Please dont do this, please reconsider.
    xx
     
  3. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    but reconsider for what? there is no future!!!
     
  4. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    How old are you Pollo?
    You have the rest of your life ahead of you, i know things are hard please know i understand but dont let suicide take you.
    xx
     
  5. jimmy88

    jimmy88 Well-Known Member

    Man, I'm not gonna feed you the stereotypical lines because given my current mindset I'd be a hypocrit. But it feels wrong to accomodate a question like that without first telling you... think about this. Think long and hard because once you cross that line there's no going back.

    That said, I'm putting pieces of a suicide note together in my head. Haven't put down anything on paper. A will is pointless because I have no friends and no major assets other than a car my parents make payments on. They can have my junk. Right now im thinking about my method and how ill go about executing it... gotta do research and possibly take a course. Im thinkin about the location where I'll be when I do the deed.. far far away from my house.. ill probably drive to the mountains, one of my fav places, to do it for one last thrill. Im also thinkin of callin 911 before i do the deed giving them the location of my body so no civilians have to be scarred discovering it.

    I know how you feel about being excited as well.. sometimes I think "wow.. ill finally know what the afterlife is all about!!!" Other times i feel scared of the possible ramifications of my future actions as a believer in afterlife/reincarnation. Other times im sad that ill be leaving behind my parents and almost feel like being tortured the rest of my life to spare there pain. These thoughts change on an almost hourly basis.
     
  6. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    Yeah, exactly!!! that is how I feel, and the feelings keep changing from one instant to the other. On the other hand I also have thought of calling a friend so my body won't stay rotten for several days in my flat, since I live alone and there is no chance that someone will find me otherwise.
     
  7. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    why not call a friend and ask for help and support. maybe you can even go over and stay with that friend for a few days. that's what i do when i am suicidal, i pack up my cat and go for a sleepover at a friend's house.
     
  8. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    Dazzle, do you feel suicidal from time to time? I thought you were totally 'sane' hehe. Thanks everyone for being there.
     
  9. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    pollo you are too funny. i've made 3 serious attempts and been hospitalized 5 times. i'm far from "sane" but i'm stubborn, i keep trying to survive even though my brain is trying to kill me. i call them blizzards, and when i'm in the middle of an emotional blizzard i can't see the way out. i feel like i will def. go ahead and do it. that's when i count on my friends, or ask them to take me to the hospital. when i'm out of the blizzard i ask myself "what was i thinking???"... hope you can find your own way through this blizzard. i am concerned for you.
     
  10. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    I understand but to be honest, where can I find the help? My shrink is useless, my friends are busy with their own lives and problems, so what else? I have been hospitalized 3 times and 2 of them were in a mental place which is a horrible place to be, so I am sure if I go to the emergency place, they will send me back to the mental place, I totally don't want that!!! so, no more help for me!!
     
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i know it's pretty awful to be in the hospital. but it's only to keep you safe until the medication kicks in, and sometimes new medication is what you need to start changing your thinking. i'm sure your friends would want to help you if they knew how bad you were feeling. i had a friend commit suicide a few years ago and i was heartbroken that he hadn't reached out to me before he did it. he died feeling so alone not ever knowing how much we all loved him. i think of him every day. as for your shrink, i said on your other thread i think you need a new doctor. here in toronto we have some other resources, a day hospital program (you don't have to stay overnight, you just go from 9am to 2pm each day) and something called the gerstein centre, which is a non-medical house you can go to and stay at if you are having a mental health crisis. they are fully staffed and help you through a crisis. perhaps there is something similar where you live.
     
  12. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    Hey Dazzle, thanks for the info, there is something similar in Switzerland but because my French is not very good, there is not point of going there. Today was a funny day since I have thought all the time that in 2 days I won't be here. One hour ago I started my suicide letter which is for my brother.
    I am sad
     
  13. ali-wali

    ali-wali Well-Known Member

    My best friend jumped infront of a train, he left a suicide note on a tree near it saying that He had no one to go too, and he didn't want to 'burden us' for the past year I've felt so useless and guilty. What are friends for? Why did MY best friend not come to me and ask for help. This is what your friends and family will feel. And it will be devestating for them. Since my friend I have also felt like suicide so many times. Please go to your friends, it will mean the world to them but they just don't know it yet.
     
  14. Pollo

    Pollo Well-Known Member

    I have told my friends, well, some of them, but they just freaked out and told me not to do it. then tried to speak about something else just like if I was contagious hehe. They won't be surprised since they already know I am suicidal. I know they will be shocked but not surprised
     
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