Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by FBD, May 23, 2011.

  1. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    I dont know exactly why I do it I can only harbor guesses, but I think I sabotage my own relationships. I dont know if im unnecessarily needy or what, but I dont usually feel secure in a relationship, like the one im in now. I went for a walk with a different guy I did NOT cheat on my boyfriend, but he was hurt by it. He was reasonable and said if it happened again we couldnt be together, and I completely understand and if it were me I'd probably say the same thing. I do feel bad about it. I know I shouldnt have done it and everything even thou I technically did nothing wrong as nothing happened between the two of us.

    I duno, I just dont feel loved or desired a lot of the time by him, even thou he will say he likes me and cares or whatever. He was actually around that night and I just felt like he wanted nothing to do with me, like he would rather me not be around. So I guess I just talked to whoever would talk to me, which ended up being that random guy. I did tell the guy I had a boyfriend and who he was and everything too. I just I duno, I feel like I do things to sabotage my own relationships, to make the other person end it (even thou we are still together he did mention breaking up with me over it) just because I feel like they dont want to be with me and they are looking for a reason to end it. I duno this is all pretty dumb I guess, but I have no idea whats going on really...why do I always sabortage my own relationships when they make me happy? Why do I always feel like the person I'm with doesnt like me and feels like they're wasting their time?

    ugh. sorry that was a lot of random rambling as well....
  2. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Wait.. your boyfriend is considering breaking up with you because you took a walk with another guy? Is he serious?! Sounds to me like the guy is either seriously insecure or just looking for a reason to break up with you. From what you've said it doesn't sound like your sabotage relationships; more like you have low self-esteem and let it effect your relationships to such a degree that it's hard for you to maintain them properly.

    I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and discuss what is going on in your relationship right now. Tell him part of how you feel and why you went for a walk with that guy. It's ludicrous that he should be thinking of breaking up with you over something so harmless and you need to sit him down and seriously tell him how harmless it really was.
  3. FBD

    FBD Well-Known Member

    we did talk...well i let him talk i didnt have much to say...confrontation has never been something i do. basically he was upset because he figured the guy wanted to do something, which i believe he did, but he didnt try a thing especially because i did tell him i had a boyfriend. now my boyfriend doesnt trust me (well he said he wanted to trust me, he never said he did). and said what i did was wrong..i mean i went off with this guy because 1. we went to smoke a cigarette and 2. my boyfriend was off with other people anyways and when i got back he wasnt even in his room, so i just stayed out with the guy i smoked a cig with so i wasnt alone.

    i duno...i told him the first thing i said was that i was with him and everything, but apparently that isnt good enough...apparently the fact that i talked to another guy and went for a walk is bad? i duno but he also must know how much of a weak person i really am when it comes to confrontation and he must know ill do whatever to keep him around, so whatever he asks me to do ill do. he just moved back home and is a state away from me now and has expressed concern about me going out without him and drinking without him. he really thinks im gunna cheat on him, which i wont do, and i have no real way of convincing him otherwise.