Sacrifice and Suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LightInTheDarkestNight, Aug 31, 2008.

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  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I've been extrmeley miserable and in alot of pain for the past 3 months especially the last month and a half. I had some dental work done and I ended up with what looks to be permanent facial swelling It feels quite irritated as well. It looks wacked too. Swollen neck lymph nodes for a while now

    There may very well be some underlying blood vessel issue as I'm having broke capillaries pop up all over recently. On top of this I've been extremely fatigued, headaches, muclces and joint aches and cramps all over, extreme feeling of unwellness(not depression), my skin has been alot worse lately too, weird sensations all around my mouth. More recently I've been having palpitations, where you can feel your heart pounding away for no good reason especially when I wake up

    I'm incredibly miserable I have no reason why I'm feeling this bad. I want to know whats causing this, I'm compulsive trying to search the internet as I can't bear this irritaiton. Especcialy if the swelling and the irritation that comes with it is permanent. I might be able to cope with the other issues better if it wasn't for the facial irritation and swelling.

    I'm really making this hard on my parents, they don't deserve it and neither do I. I'm just a financial and emotional burden. No one understands my pain and irritation either. I just want to wake up and feel semi normal. Suicide would end up making my parents happier in the long run, the main reason I would do it is because of my own pain but they are both related. My own pain and misery carrys off onto them.

    I'm pretty sure I could deal with just about any kind of emotional pain, but this physical irritation and pain is just too much for me to handle. I'd rather have lost a leg then be suffering the way I am now, people understand someone losing a leg but when you look all wacked(one side of ur face is swollen, you have really bad skin, a crooked face etc). People don't understand so to speak, plus your in constant irritation.

    I feel like I'm dying as well with all these symptoms, it all seems to be getting worse day by day. I was antisocial and anxious with a few minor skin issues before the past 3 months(I didn't feel them) and now with all of these I just don't even feel human. I told myself on the first of july if things don't get better in 2 months I'm just gonna kill myself.

    Everything seems to go wrong. I'm mad at myself for not canceling the dental appointment as that has caused me alot of pain. It's just all too much.

    I must enjoy being miserable or else I would have offed myself a long time ago. This is just a nightmare, I can't make sense of any of it. Why me?
  2. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    But yea my point is that suicide isn't always selfish as it in some ways can make others around you have a better life.

    Sure if they do love you they will be extremely sad to see you go. But over the long haul they won't be under the stress I cause them from my own physical pain. And I will be out of the pain as well, so I see it as a win win situation.

    I so want to be alive and like my old self. I'm not sure what triggered all these problems whatever the cause is. Physical, emotional, stress, some medication I was on? Me Getting a virus like herpes from this girl I was with. I have no idea I just know if I didn't have such horrible luck or have a knack for screwing things up I wouldn't be where I am now
  3. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    I am in a similar boat, I was in a very long period of mental anguish and suffered alot of physical problems as well, now that I seem to be coming out of the mental anguish I am being left with the physical problems

    Problem is I dont feel like killing myself and dont see how I can live with these physical problems being only 28
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