To be honest, being sad and unmotivated is actually preventing me from actually thinking about committing suicide. Because the sadness means that somewhere, deep down, I do still care, and I'm so unmotivated to do anything that I can't possibly imagine actually committing suicide. So that's doing something. I've been depressed a long time. But I actually got much better, and was thriving. Then I got into a relationship with someone who I love very much but is very very damaged. I had to help him through some very terrible depression and unfortunately it hooked me back into the depression cycle. Then when I reached for him to help me, he acted like I was being unreasonable. We're separated now. And that makes me sad. But I'm also angry at him for not supporting me when I need help, after I helped him and supported him (to my own detriment) for years. But those are kind of just - problems related to my relationship. My real emotion problems are just - that I don't want this life any more. I'm so tired of feeling tired. I'm so bored of being bored. Nothing entertains me any more, my business just frustrates me, and I have no goals to work for or look forward to. I'm in college, but for what? I have no idea what I want to do with my life. And my depression is starting to affect my grades. I've been a straight A student for three straight semesters but I've been putting off my assignments and missing quizzes and homework and just...not caring. It's frustrating. But I just don't care any more. I don't listen to music, I don't feel like I have any hobbies, I have no friends now that I've broken up with my boyfriend, and my parents are busy living their lives. They know I'm depressed and they know it's serious but I haven't told them I'm legit suicidal. I get out regularly. I exercise (technically.) I interact with people for my job. But it's all just real exhausting. Surviving is exhausting. Living is exhausting. I'm so tired.