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sad but true

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by powder_girl, Nov 10, 2007.

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  1. powder_girl

    powder_girl Active Member

    June was when I first started starving...fasting and starving...when you fast it's an emotional and religious journey but starving is just to see you get skinny...

    I ate little berries or maybe a piece of fruit a day...and maybe two cups of water...nothing else and in a week and some days I went to my friend's party and being approached by so many guys it was a little heady for me.

    i craved that attention...loved how the hollows of my neck and shoulders stood out...love the hip bones under my orange spaghetti strap shirt...and my pants were falling off so much I had to use my friend's belt and button it five buttons down


    then i binged until september at which point i went binge/starve for so long until the beginning of october -- i had lost about five pounds on and off for that amount of time it was horrible...everyday was astruggle for me to get out of bed because I wanted a change, I wanted to keep going but I hated the mirror and everyday I had to weigh myself and I always look in the mirror naked

    stand on my side and watch where my belly curves a little or my breasts seem fatter or some part of me seems off.

    then in mid october i lost 30 lbs...just didn't eat for two weeks...basically had tiny bites of things once in a while and lived off of tap water and some vitamins...

    i felt so full of energy, I had these plateaus where i was just bubbly and happy with myself...i could see my hip bones so well, my cheeks sunk in, everything was going great

    then i fluked and ate after i met with my counselor...i had to eat and weight myself before the counseling..

    and then i ate until now....i gained so much but I just wanted to say that everyday I hate my body and I only feel happiest when I don't eat and lose weight.

    sad but true
  2. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    :sad: :sad: :hug:
    I'm sorry hun, I know it sucks. Just try and be careful.. there's nothing worse than getting back on track and falling off again. :sad: :hug:
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