Sad, ill, used and worthless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by DrkZ90, Apr 15, 2011.

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  1. DrkZ90

    DrkZ90 Well-Known Member

    I simply don't want to keep trying, the more you try the more you're hurt, that's the only truth...

    I'm only here to be used and stored away when not needed... Nobody wants or really needs me, I'm just a burden. a waste, something that can be ignored when not needed...

    I'm fed up of that, I can't live any more like this... why do I have to keep living? so that everyone can keep taking advantage of me, to keep using me and being alone?

    People think that they can use me and put me aside when not needed, that they can ignore me so I will go away and leave them alone, that they can treat me the way they want because I won't retaliate, that they can lie to me and that I'll be too stupid to realize it's all a lie...

    But I'm just too stupid, even to kill myself, because I'm afraid to fail, but I won't always be afraid of failure, I'll eventually do it, I know it, and I hope I won't fail then...

    I just need a way, the means to do it without fear or chances of failure...
     
  2. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Please tell us more. Who is using you? What is happening that's making you hurt so bad you want to kill yourself?
     
  3. DrkZ90

    DrkZ90 Well-Known Member

    everyone, there isn't a single person in real life that doesn't treat me like that

    it's a lot of stuff, and it isn't easy to put into words... 6-7 years have passes, but the wounds are still fresh...

    But even worse, is the fact that things keep going wrong despite my best efforts to make it all better... that I'm about to go far away to start over, and I'm already fucking that up too...
     
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    there are, unfortunately, a lot of people in the world who like to abuse and exploit people. and then if you become worn down by it, they just abuse and exploit even more, because it's easier for them to get away with

    not everyone is like that though. If you can find some place that is positive and supportive, I think that you can get better. learning some personal self-defense skills maybe helpful too. I find that many people who like to bully will back off really quickly if you show them you can fight back
     
  5. Acro

    Acro Active Member

    :hug I've been in the same position, used, hurt, except I wasn't stored, I was thrown away. -Hugs Extra Tightly- I hate to see that others have also suffered like I have. You deserve better DrkZ90, one day you'll be able to find that one person who won't use you or hurt you, I imagine in this world of 6.8 billion people we'd be bound to find at least 1 person who isn't going to hurt us. It's hard to keep faith that out there somewhere is someone that would make all the pain worth it. I know I would be so happy if someone truly had loved me and didn't end up using and hurting me. But I too am stupid, I believe lies, I would do anything for a person I loved, and I am so stupid to even be happy when I wasn't treated kindly because I had made excuses for my ex boyfriend. I was and am stupid, but not everyone will use us. Not everyone is a blackhearted jerk that would take someone like us and use us. I know you feel pretty miserable, and it's hard to ignore the pain you feel, you want someone to love you and treat you right and not use you. You want to finally feel okay, but you need to stay alive for that, because even though we both may want to die there may be hope out there. I'm not much of an optimist, but I'd say among 6.8 billion people there has to be someone who isn't a blackhearted jerk.

    If you ever need to talk to someone in more detail or rant or vent, feel free to contact me via pm.
     
  6. NotAnotherUserName

    NotAnotherUserName Banned Member

    *Hugs* Sorry to hear you are feeling so isolated and used right now, I can understand why you feel like this and it must be very difficult for you. You need to look harder, there are people who just want to be your friends and not use you, maybe you feel people around you are using you, but not all of them would be! Things will be better, if you ever feel lonely, their is no one else to talk to, just drop me a PM, I'm sure we can be good friends. You are not stupid, you are a very smart person, but you let yourself down. You need to believe in yourself, tell yourself their is more to life. You know how I know your smart, even though I don't know you? I can just tell by the way you express your thoughts and feelings here, in hope to get support and be better. Failing can be difficult, especially if you fear it a lot. Are you getting any form or support at the minute? Such as counselling, therapy and so on? If so, could you speak to them about how this is affecting you greatly? :hug:
     
  7. DrkZ90

    DrkZ90 Well-Known Member

    I don't really blame them, and that's why I feel so hopeless... as I said in another post, I think some people were born to be happy, have friends and all that, and some others were born to be just a tool for everyone, and I'm part of that latter group...

    Nobody has ever been ever remotely interested in my friendship or love... I'm painfully shy, and despite that, I am the one who has approached them to try and befriend them, I guess that's when they notice how desperate and lonely I am... and the truth is, at this point, most people already have that someone they call their best friend, someone to trust that they know care about them, that someone I never had and at this point probably never will...
     
  8. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Nobody is born to be a tool for others. We are born free souls albeit in a world which puts up obstacles, walls and barriers in our way.

    We are naturally social creatures, but the world often divides us and many people sadly develop a low self esteem which makes them belittle and use others.

    The bullies you might see - who look or appear to be confident, are more messed up than the victims. On a moral scale the user is the one who should feel worthless - someone being used is actually being made to feel worse than the user just for showing love and friendship.

    As for being shy - its quite a nice trait in this and age. For a man, a shy lady is seen as gentle and also a bit mysterious. In a day and age when many women are almost as loud as the men - and drinking just as much, I'd be relieved if I was approached by a women who was not dancing around the handbag with a beer in one hand and mobile phone videoing her and her mates singing some dire anthem.

    To be honest, whether your shy or an extrovert, there's always a hidden side regardless. But, when drunk, I usually assume a loud women will be loud in other ways and I'm not looking for that kind of stormy relationship from hell.

    If your a man, the same is true and many women prefer a quiet man. That's me done for! But humour aside, shyness is overcome when we feel comfortable with people.

    You should book an appointment at your doctors - because even though you dismiss suicide, thankfully, your carrying a lot of weight around and its dragging you down and making you feel down. You may have some depression that has built up - we don't always know we have depression - sometimes we blame relationships, life, and like you call ourselves stupid and actually tell us that its OK for you to have a life with no friendship or love. In my book and many others, its friendship and love that can rock your world and make into the kind of person you would like to be.

    Sure, you might always be shy - but the world is full of painfully shy people who have a talent that other people need. You can land a job or education course, and discover that its not the school playground any-more and although you are shy - you SHOULD stand up for yourself and NEVER put yourself down and set failure as a goal.

    Shy people include many famous names out there. Every office has someone a little shy but after a while, with me at least, they seem to open up little by little. Then one day they are badmouthing the boss and using office time to indulge in buying something off Amazon. You just got to be around the right crowd. Shyness is accepted in all social circles.

    If you cannot help feeling like you will fail - depression might be the spoiler and either medication or maybe counselling might be your ticket to waking up up and being glad the day is long.

    Like you, I've been in the place when I hated every day that passed and wished they would fast forward. But things change, you meet people, you meet one person in particular who would sooner die than use you.

    So far you've been unlucky. But if you were more confident, its likely that relationships would come more naturally. When you are thinking clearer then its easier to see if people are good for us or not. When we are down and have low expectations, sure people can use you - especially if your a women.

    All this can be overcome, bit by bit and day by day.

    You should get some help because its doing a favour to yourself and will give you a chance to work out why you keep making these mistakes and how you can correct them.

    I'm sure you'll make a nice friend for many people - add me to the friend list as I've not got many here really. Maybe people think I'm an ass**** - see, its catching all this negativity and thinking bad about ourselves!

    Get some help, you can overcome your depression, sadness and stop being used and feel like you are worth something.

    I hope to see some progress from you - and am telling honestly that everyone gets used sometimes. The point is - learning the lesson. We need to learn not to be used, and never to use others.

    I'm sure with a little more confidence and self belief that you will be feeling better about yourself before the summer. Hope it turns out to be a real good year - and I'm sure it will!

    Just keep thinking that.

    Come here when you have doubts.

    Good luck and God bless.
     
  9. DrkZ90

    DrkZ90 Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling even worse today... I'm, sadly, still alive, feeling people┬┐s hatred and how unnecesary and worthless I am, I can barely keep myself from completely breaking down in front of others...

    I'm hurting really badly inside, I don't want to feel anything any more...
     
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I would like your friendship! I bet you are really nice!

    I think that you are a worthwhile person and that you deserve to be happy

    I hope that life will start being kinder to you from now on

    sometimes when I feel bad there is something that I do that makes me feel better.

    I imagine all of the negative feelings that I have inside are shooting out of the top of my head and into the sky

    when I feel like enough has come out, I imagine a white light of positive energy coming down through me

    so maybe this sounds silly, but I thought I would share this with you

    :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  11. DrkZ90

    DrkZ90 Well-Known Member

    just after things got a tiny little bit better, they started going downhill again, and I'm left feeling even worse...

    life is so not worth it... this feeling, it's horrible, I can't stand it, it hurts way too much...

    I know they all hate me, I know I'm just a tool and otherwise worthless, I know nobody wants me around, and nobody would ever miss me, why do they have to rub it all in my face daily, why do I have to be reminded that every single day? This week ends with me learning something that hurts me even more, now I know I don't belong anywhere, and that just like there hasn't been a single person before who cares enough, there won't be anyone in the future either...
     
  12. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sorry you are feeling worse

    have you heard of cbt (cognitive behavioural therapy)? it will really help you. it's great when your outlook is overwhelmed with all or nothing, always and forever type of thinking.

    i urge you to give it a try before you give up
     
  13. DrkZ90

    DrkZ90 Well-Known Member

    never heard of it, and I can't see things getting any better tbh... the way things keep going worse and worse, I should've killed myself a long time ago, this isn't worth it...
     
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    give it a try, ive also heard it has a high success rate. dont give up :hug:
     
  15. DrkZ90

    DrkZ90 Well-Known Member

    how could it? nobody will treat me differently, nothing would really change... it would be a matter of time to reach this point again, and it would just end up being worse...

    how is it supposed to work?
     
  16. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

  17. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    hey, we care, and we would be sad if you went away.

    your community can be here!

    I hope that we can help you get through this ok
     
  18. DrkZ90

    DrkZ90 Well-Known Member

    been reading about cbt and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do or how it is supposed to work... I guess I'm too stupid for that...


    I don't wanna sound mean or anything, but I really doubt it... people here barely know me, doubt anyone here (or anyone else for that matter) would really notice if I didn't exist any more.
     
  19. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think that someone is basically a good person, then I feel like I automatically have a certain amount of love for them. if they are also suffering, then the feeling is even stronger. I think that there are a lot of good people here that are suffering

    I post on a lot of different threads, and it can be hard to keep track of everyone sometimes. I'm still sad though when I learn that bad things have happened to people, and when people don't post I wonder what happened to them

    maybe you would like to check out the buddy chat forum

    I think that if you keep posting here, you will feel more connected

    you would probably be surprised by the number of people who would be sad if you died

    maybe think of it this way. even if you truly believe that no one would really care, if you were able to get better and establish good relationships, there are people in the future who you would miss out on connecting with. maybe you would have a future child who would love you a lot, but who will not have the chance to exist to tell you that

    as far as the cbt goes, I think that you just have to find a therapist who does that kind of therapy. no need to understand it really. please don't say bad things about yourself!
     
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