Nobody is born to be a tool for others. We are born free souls albeit in a world which puts up obstacles, walls and barriers in our way.
We are naturally social creatures, but the world often divides us and many people sadly develop a low self esteem which makes them belittle and use others.
The bullies you might see - who look or appear to be confident, are more messed up than the victims. On a moral scale the user is the one who should feel worthless - someone being used is actually being made to feel worse than the user just for showing love and friendship.
As for being shy - its quite a nice trait in this and age. For a man, a shy lady is seen as gentle and also a bit mysterious. In a day and age when many women are almost as loud as the men - and drinking just as much, I'd be relieved if I was approached by a women who was not dancing around the handbag with a beer in one hand and mobile phone videoing her and her mates singing some dire anthem.
To be honest, whether your shy or an extrovert, there's always a hidden side regardless. But, when drunk, I usually assume a loud women will be loud in other ways and I'm not looking for that kind of stormy relationship from hell.
If your a man, the same is true and many women prefer a quiet man. That's me done for! But humour aside, shyness is overcome when we feel comfortable with people.
You should book an appointment at your doctors - because even though you dismiss suicide, thankfully, your carrying a lot of weight around and its dragging you down and making you feel down. You may have some depression that has built up - we don't always know we have depression - sometimes we blame relationships, life, and like you call ourselves stupid and actually tell us that its OK for you to have a life with no friendship or love. In my book and many others, its friendship and love that can rock your world and make into the kind of person you would like to be.
Sure, you might always be shy - but the world is full of painfully shy people who have a talent that other people need. You can land a job or education course, and discover that its not the school playground any-more and although you are shy - you SHOULD stand up for yourself and NEVER put yourself down and set failure as a goal.
Shy people include many famous names out there. Every office has someone a little shy but after a while, with me at least, they seem to open up little by little. Then one day they are badmouthing the boss and using office time to indulge in buying something off Amazon. You just got to be around the right crowd. Shyness is accepted in all social circles.
If you cannot help feeling like you will fail - depression might be the spoiler and either medication or maybe counselling might be your ticket to waking up up and being glad the day is long.
Like you, I've been in the place when I hated every day that passed and wished they would fast forward. But things change, you meet people, you meet one person in particular who would sooner die than use you.
So far you've been unlucky. But if you were more confident, its likely that relationships would come more naturally. When you are thinking clearer then its easier to see if people are good for us or not. When we are down and have low expectations, sure people can use you - especially if your a women.
All this can be overcome, bit by bit and day by day.
You should get some help because its doing a favour to yourself and will give you a chance to work out why you keep making these mistakes and how you can correct them.
I'm sure you'll make a nice friend for many people - add me to the friend list as I've not got many here really. Maybe people think I'm an ass**** - see, its catching all this negativity and thinking bad about ourselves!
Get some help, you can overcome your depression, sadness and stop being used and feel like you are worth something.
I hope to see some progress from you - and am telling honestly that everyone gets used sometimes. The point is - learning the lesson. We need to learn not to be used, and never to use others.
I'm sure with a little more confidence and self belief that you will be feeling better about yourself before the summer. Hope it turns out to be a real good year - and I'm sure it will!
Just keep thinking that.
Come here when you have doubts.
Good luck and God bless.