Am so worked up. Want to numb myself so bad, escape this nightmare. This isn't good. Funnily I am not meant to drink for a couple of days because of some meds so it gives me a free pass pretty much to si. Where is my thinking at? I need distraction but don't know what to do. And others are upset if I'm not with them. Selfishly feel trapped. I am scared, I am sad and I am becoming angry at all. I have no control over this situation.