sad & mad

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by MoAnamCara, Jul 25, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Am so worked up. Want to numb myself so bad, escape this nightmare. This isn't good. Funnily I am not meant to drink for a couple of days because of some meds so it gives me a free pass pretty much to si.

    Where is my thinking at?

    I need distraction but don't know what to do. And others are upset if I'm not with them. Selfishly feel trapped.

    I am scared, I am sad and I am becoming angry at all. I have no control over this situation.
  2. tweetypie

    tweetypie Antiquities Friend

    i just wanted to stop by and give u a silly virtual hug :hug: i wish i could be there with you right now just so u could have someone to cry or shout at but i cant but i am here and thinking of u xxxxx
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist


    & Thanks
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm heading there tonight, to that place. I tried to reach out today, but I played all strong. What more to say? Nothing really. What more to do? Get the antiseptic cream out.


    I wish things weren't this way. I wish so much didn't trigger me. I wish I wasn't me, maybe thats the truth in all of this.

    My thoughts are selfish, I don't want to be "here" and go through this. How is that fair?

    Regardless, it is what it is.
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    And now I feel guilty, stupid, remorseful, idiotic. Viscious cycle. But can feel the burn which is good. Stupid.
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    just wanted you to know I can hear your pain Mo..:hugtackles:
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    thank you IV

    These have been a few rough days, I have to get out of this place I am I . Just can't seem to do it.

    I hope you are well
  8. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 27, 2011
  9. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Maybe take a tranquilliser ? have you got any ? Try and take a deeep breath .Hope you pull through ,stay safe.I care about your well being.
  10. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    If you continue to feel like you cannot cope and must attempt, you can make a choice to call for help and then be admitted to a hospital.

    You do have a choice. :hugtackles:
  11. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm still here thanks Mo and I hope you keep on fighting too
  12. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    how come when you think you are doing okay, BAM, out of nowhere all the hurt and insecurities return. The temptation is strong tonight, am trying not to go there.
  13. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I have no idea why it happens frustrating in that it often comes out of nowhere for me too after a few good days or even months. :(

    Take care :hug:
  14. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist


    well now I've added alcohol into the mix so things are just going to get fun around here.

    not good, not smart - I know this. I know it yet I refuse to take my own advice. How clever is that? not so much.
  15. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Struggling, not sure what's triggered me. Just need to feel something different than what I do now.
  16. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Hey hun. :hug:

    I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Do you think being with the people that want you with them would help? Sometimes just being around people that care about you can help. At least it does for me.

    Also, if you need some distractions you can play in the arcade some or play in the coffee house. You can also PM me if you need to talk about anything with someone one on one.

    Hang in there.
  17. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you Sacred Heart
  18. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Why? Why not?

    Agghhhh.... Over. Me.
  19. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Yeah, so that time of night, those emotions boiling over, the thoughts bubbling away and I can't seem to get myself to chill out, to relax.

    So now the alcohol has surfaced yet again. It has calmed me a little, but not enough to prevent the thoughts, feelings and image of just a little cut.
  20. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I don't know about cutting Mo cos I use food for self harm..
    I did try alcohol years ago and it made me feel worse because it's actually a depressant.

    I hope you can find another way to calm yourself :console::arms:
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.