Sad mom - I feel saddest for my daughter

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by SadMommy, Aug 3, 2014.

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  1. SadMommy

    SadMommy New Member

    Hi there

    I am finding each day a battle. It has been since I can remember being on this earth. It's like I broke and nothing every repaired me. I tried therapy and medication. My daughter will be 5 in September - I can't even imagine still being here by there. It breaks me heart as I know how me committing suicide will alter her life for the rest of her life. It isn't fair on her. I am so broken. I try and tune everything out. But I can't. The pain is unbearable. I have never kept a gun in my home knowing I'd too quickly easily use it - and like I said - I'm only hanging on to try and prevent my daughter a heart break that will never go away. I am not okay and my country doesn't have a proper suicide support structure. I literally have no friends. I literally have no family. It is so hard to breath and not to cry. I really don't want to be here. I have never wanted to. I keep licking my wounds and trying to find a way to live - have a will to live. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder some years ago. It really feels like nothing will work - I tried everything suggest. My death will be devastating on my daughter but I can't hang on. I'm trying but I can't. Even when I set later dates the day comes and I feel the same. I don't know how to be okay. I want to just be okay. I can't even achieve that.
     
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi SadMommy. Welcome to the forum.

    Depression is tough but I implore you not to do anything for the sake of your child especially at a young age where she will not understand why. You need to focus on your daughter and go and give her a cuddle to re-assure yourself that she needs you. You heed to keep a fixed routine for the week in order to keep yourself busy. Yes, I can understand your feeling but do not feel down. I know it's easy to say but you can survive p. be re-assured you are not the only one suffering depression. I hope these words help you and keep posting. Take care of yourself. We are here to support you.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome. I have MDD too and I am interested to know what country you are in(if you are willing to share of course) and I will dig online to see if there is any help there that's available to you, I know mental health still has a stigma in many countries, even here the services are not the best ( Ireland) because the government does not put in enough funding I guess. You don't deserve to feel this way and your little kid needs their mom. Is the dad in the picture? Therapy worked very well for me, as for medication...it took a long time to find the right ones, but finally I am on them and am not depressed :hug:
     
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