Sad to think that this is who I really am.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Hotaru, Mar 23, 2016.

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  1. Hotaru

    Hotaru Member

    ADs just mask who you are. I haven't been the real me for 9 years, the years I was on Zoloft. The real me is this, an empty shell who hates life. I thought to myself recently, "God, I was so happy just three months ago" but then I thought, no, the me on drugs was happy. I came off ADs thinking I didn't need them anymore.

    BTW I can't go back on them because I'm participating in a clinical trial and I have to be clean for that (another two months) besides, I can't afford the pills, another reason I stopped taking them. And taking them won't get rid of the tinnitus, it'll only make it worse (as I've read elsewhere). Three dilemmas.
    Lestat likes this.
  2. Matthew Barber

    Matthew Barber Well-Known Member

    I thought the same thing when going through my issues, but it's not true.

    You are you, you are the person you want to make yourself, you are your experiences, your passions, your hatred, your love, your passions.

    Everything makes you not a hollow shell, but a shell filled with a melody of beautiful disasters, that each in turn build your character.

    You are you, you are whatever you make yourself, you have the choice, now make it.
  3. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    I apologise, I don't know what ADs is. I'm guessing it's some drugs of some sort.

    I think we all go through times of not knowing who we are. When we grow we question everything and who we are. I don't know who I am... I have no idea what I want to do with my life.... But its normal.

    You have addiction issues? You feel like a shell? Well... You notice this which is good. Could you describe who you really are or would like to be?
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I am sorry you feel so low hun. Stopping anti depressants should always be done with care...

    But one thing is medicine, have you had any therapy to help you deal with the depression? If not I really think it's something to consider for you.
    You deserve to get better hun. You're worth it! *hugs*
  5. Hotaru

    Hotaru Member

    AD stands for anti-depressants. I'm not addicted to any drug. I have emergency Zoloft in the cabinet, but like I said, I can't take them, I'm part of a clinical trial.
  6. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    Thanks. Sorry for misunderstanding then.

    I have been on and off antidepressants since I was 18 or maybe younger. I'm 33 now. I'm currently on them and I hope they're doing something for me... I can't say for sure, but I think they are. I still suffer though. I'm not coping well at all right now.

    I don't even know what is going on anymore tbh. I'm too scared to stop taking them because I think I'd be worse than I am.

    I understand what you mean though. I feel like a zombie sometimes. It's not really an existence is it?

    So do you think that antidepressants are good? I think I need them, especially right now that I'm going through some big issues.
  7. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    I was on Prozac many years ago. They helped and finally got off of them. Now I find I will have to look for a way to get them as I cannot afford to go to a doctor.
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