Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Unthoing, Jun 27, 2007.

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  1. Unthoing

    Unthoing New Member

    When I was 2 my perants divorced, my mother lost all of her income. My father was secretly gay and married my mom without telling her. My dad got into drinking and began phisicly and metaly abusing my mother. Unforntunatly after the divorce I would have to go to his house every weekend, I was often beaten and told how much of a loser I am. It went on like this until he kidnapped me and my sister and gained full custody, we lived in a small house in a run down neiborhood. One night my father got drunk and broke into somones house and got arrested. Me and my sister lived with my mother ever since.

    Now days my father calls and stops by the house but is on meth and seems to want to be around us. The serious issues in my life right now have nothing to do with my father. As a 14 year old kid about to enter highschool is hard enough, but I am terribly shy and alittle chubby and even my friends in real life would make fun of me and call me names. On a couple of ocasions I would notice a girl and my friends would say somthing like "theres no way you could your to fat/ugly" I feel like I have no hope for a girlfriend or friends in highschool. I am sure this is nothing to complain about but it's alot harder then you might think. My mom recently has become mad at me because I don't go out much and avoid friends. My mom has called me a loser and that I am just fucking up my life. I feel depressed and like every day sucks even more. My life seems like one sad or bad moment after the other and I am just suposed to go along with it. The worst part about it is I can't talk to anyone about it or they will laugh at me or get me therapy. I have wanted to commit suicide more then once in my life, but I fear the pain my mom would go through, would make me dying just cause more pain. If I had my way I would have never been born. Recently I thought if I killed myself before highschool everything would be easier even if there was no heaven or hell. I wanna be gone more then ever I sit in my bed and think about how I will kill myself and it makes me feel more happy.
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Children are like that: they mock and tease each other. Anyone who has an obvious difference gets singled out. This does not mean that you are inferior to them. There is a place for you as well. We don't all need to be slim and athletic. You should rub it off and find other things. I know that is really easily said and equally hard to do. Don't kill yourself!
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear the way you are treated by those kids. It isn't fair and it isn't right, but that is typical behaviour of many children. It has been that way for ever. I know it is something that is hard to igbore, but do your best not to fall into believing what they say. It is their loss by not taking the time to get to know the person you are inside. It is your gain because you really would not want to be around people that can be that cruel. You don't want to say anything about how you feel because they might try to get you therapy. Well, honestly, that might not be such a bad idea. If it can help you deal with these feelings and give you the tools totake care of things, why not? Just something for you to consider. An option instead of harming yourself. Please take care and do what you need to do to stay safe. :hug:
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