When I was 2 my perants divorced, my mother lost all of her income. My father was secretly gay and married my mom without telling her. My dad got into drinking and began phisicly and metaly abusing my mother. Unforntunatly after the divorce I would have to go to his house every weekend, I was often beaten and told how much of a loser I am. It went on like this until he kidnapped me and my sister and gained full custody, we lived in a small house in a run down neiborhood. One night my father got drunk and broke into somones house and got arrested. Me and my sister lived with my mother ever since. Now days my father calls and stops by the house but is on meth and seems to want to be around us. The serious issues in my life right now have nothing to do with my father. As a 14 year old kid about to enter highschool is hard enough, but I am terribly shy and alittle chubby and even my friends in real life would make fun of me and call me names. On a couple of ocasions I would notice a girl and my friends would say somthing like "theres no way you could your to fat/ugly" I feel like I have no hope for a girlfriend or friends in highschool. I am sure this is nothing to complain about but it's alot harder then you might think. My mom recently has become mad at me because I don't go out much and avoid friends. My mom has called me a loser and that I am just fucking up my life. I feel depressed and like every day sucks even more. My life seems like one sad or bad moment after the other and I am just suposed to go along with it. The worst part about it is I can't talk to anyone about it or they will laugh at me or get me therapy. I have wanted to commit suicide more then once in my life, but I fear the pain my mom would go through, would make me dying just cause more pain. If I had my way I would have never been born. Recently I thought if I killed myself before highschool everything would be easier even if there was no heaven or hell. I wanna be gone more then ever I sit in my bed and think about how I will kill myself and it makes me feel more happy.