Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by itmahanh, Dec 20, 2007.

  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm so sad. In every inch of my being sad. And I want to talk about it. Just try to get one person in this godforsaken world to understand how sad and very tired I am. But it doesn't matter. Nobody else really cares. The lip service is nice but when it comes right down to it, nobody understands and nobody really wants to. So nobody cares. I just need to be dead so badly. Then truly no more sad, bad feelings, bone breaking tiredness, pain, no more anything. Just real peace. I don't want to be dead. But I have to be dead. I've attempted 5 times now so I know it is the only thing. Nothing has changed it all remains the same time after failed time. And the attempts have been over the span of years not one after another. I have tried between attempts to get better. Maybe for some it happens. But not for me. It never will.The only thing that will change this time is I won't fail.
  2. Im so sorry to hear that u feel this way :( do u have msn? if it makes u feel better i would like to add u, and maybe just have a chat? maybe i could relate to u? its up to u xxx
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thanks sweetie, but I'm just too tired to chat. I came here in Nov and posting and chatting seemed to work for a while. But I'm just beyond that now. I'm really okay with I am about to do. I just hate this utter state of sadness. So many members started out caring and trying to help. But after a while I guess it tends to get boring trying to help someone and they just don't seem to be able to change. I don't want to lead you down that same path. I've seen your other threads and posts. You have such a big heart and caring soul. Please use it to help others here. The feeling is so rewarding.
  4. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member


    You know people here care about you, and who would do anything in their power to help you/understand what you are going through. We can but try to poke little pieces of happiness, love and humour in between those dark and terrible times. I hope that bit by bit, piece by piece, you can find happiness, which you deserve so much.

    Keep collecting those little gems from those who care, and from yourself when you find inspiration.

    Take care, thinking of you as always,
    Lauren :hug:
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Yes Lauren some care, some cared. But no matter what they do or did for me, I am unable to change. And I can understand the frustration that would cause some people. It's like they expect it of me. It's like they think that with helpful words I will mend. It has taken 20 long hard years to get here today. And to be truthful, I have never gotten any better. Just the same or further back. And it is attempt after attempt. No further ahead. I do not forsee spending the next 20 years the same way. So within my realm of thinking, there is nothing left that any one can do for me now.
  6. Melancholy

    Melancholy Well-Known Member

    Just because we can't heal you and your wounds doesn't mean we can't help. All sorts of things help:

    1. Frozen kitkats
    2. My singing
    3. A hug
    4. My singing
    5. Knowing someone is there to care
    6. My singing

    I'm not looking to heal you. I don't say you're beyond help because that's something that only you know. But if I can be there, or make the corners of your mouth curve up the teeniest bit, or make you cover your ears from my singing, then I hope it has done something.

    Unable to change or not, everyone can do with a friend. And that is something I will be no matter what,

  7. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i,ve known you for some time now hun, i have seen you thru the highs and the lows, the tears and the laughter and you had done the same for me.
    we know the world and life can be hard but we are both still here.

    i know you are strong and i know you want to get thru this.

    your angel is always on your shoulder even if you don't hear the words whispered.

    take care

    andy xx