i first signed in here at the end of april i believe,even if i'm not really sure! well,then i kinda got better. i mean,i stopped thinking about ending my own life and things like this. so i just tried to move on with my life. i'm just 20! but i still struggled a lot with my depression and eating disorder during the past months. you could say i actually never stopped! i lost about 20 more lbs and i'm still trying to lose more weight. this eating disorder is just like hell! i got into med school, which is basicly what i've always wanted to do since i was like 6! but this is not enough to help.. i'm not studying at all,cause i simply can't focus on anything and i have exams in about a month. problem is that i don't even care that i won't be able to sit them! i just don't care about anything anymore,not even the only thing in the world that used to make me happy: wanting to be a doctor. i don't want to meet people,to talk with them,to go out. nothing! and my suicidal thoughts are back. which sucks. for those who don't know,i already tried to end my life when i was 18 and obviously failed. and now i think about it as much as i did just a few days before trying that time. i just don't want to live. that's it. i'm so tired and so depressed. and i know for sure that if i try again,this time i won't fail. well..don't really know what to do..