Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Casey., Apr 24, 2008.

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  1. Casey.

    Casey. Well-Known Member

    I feel so sad...
    There is just this inevitable spike in my brain chemistry.
    I have no answer to the question "What is wrong?".
    I have no more answers.
    I don't know what to do. All I want is for someone to love me as much as she did.
    I am tried of complaining. I am tired of crying.
    To be entirely honest, I am tired of everything.
    I am just tired, and I need to sleep. For a long time.
    I love you.

    Sometimes I think that absolutely no one understands what I feel.
    But others have lost their loved ones too.
    So why am i sruggling so much?
    Why do i care?
    Why cant i just move on?

    This isn't about recovery... I don't want recovery. I just want to not feel like this. I don't care how i get to that point, even if i die. Sometimes i think that no one feels like they really want to kill themselves... but then i realize that I am in a community full of them. Full of us. Us... we are a species, now...

    We move at a pace that is scaring me to death.
    I've always craved speed, be it on the back of a motorcycle or in a bit of powder, but never did i realize that the world could turn so fast as to actually begin to leave me behind. Never did i fathom a speed at which my own world would turn circles around me; i didn't realize it had that option.
    Nevertheless here i am, hair whipping at my cheeks as my life flies past me. I'd sprint to catch it if it weren't so disorienting-- In which direction is it going? Should i wait for it to come back to me? If i move now, will it never find me again?
    The real worry is that during this time that i should be trying to catch up, i'm merely trying to feel better. I'm struggling to feel well enough to even begin the chase, and i'm wasting time because of it.

    "I am a mouse in a wheel, running. Not oblivious to the fact that as I run I go no where".

    I think that is the most honest thing i have ever told myself.
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I don't have many words to offer as I don't know the exact feelings you are feeling. I have lost loved ones but it's been a long time. What I can say losing a loved one takes time to heal, especially if it was such a deep love. It doesn't just go away. at times it's like a bandaid constantly being ripped off the wound. It will take time for that wound to heal completely. It might never completely heal but you will be able to move on eventually. Every person has their own pace as to healing a broken heart. :hug:

    I hope this helps
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please find the strength to hang on Andrea. You're such a nice person. I know you loved your friend April and what happend shouldn't have happened, but you can't blame yourself for her drinking and passing away. I'm here if you need a friend. :hug:
  4. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I know how it feels..

    when one day feels like a week, when life is a tragedy that repeats itself, when the only way to find yourself is to crawl into a realm of darkness. But these sensations will end. One day will be just that. And your worries will come to a halt, because all that matters is the present, and once you know how to handle it, you'll find it silly that you were so lost to begin with.

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