I am sitting here <method> and I wonder if it's for real that I will burn in hell if I kill myself? Not that will change anything I just wonder.. I want to get away from him, go where he can't just drive there and bring me back home. He said he loves me but it feels wrong and dirty and it hurts. I cut and the pain goes away. If I am good, he won't tell anyone I cut but if I'm bad I will go to a hospital again and I don't want that. When I asked if it was OK he showed me a video. I saw the girls doing what we do, I see is normal but maybe I am not normal. I want him to leave me alone. I can't shot him but I can die and be free.