post in the suicide forum so here goes. I'm beyond feeling suicidal. I'm deep in shit past being in crisis. I am as the professionals say, actively suicidal. I feel like I want to kill myself. I need to kill myself. Left alone with it and myself a little bit longer, I will try to kill myself. Big fucking shit...it doesn't matter to anyone but me and when it's all said and done, won't matter to anyone but me.