Said I wouldn't...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by itmahanh, Aug 23, 2014.

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  1. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    post in the suicide forum so here goes. I'm beyond feeling suicidal. I'm deep in shit past being in crisis. I am as the professionals say, actively suicidal. I feel like I want to kill myself. I need to kill myself. Left alone with it and myself a little bit longer, I will try to kill myself. Big fucking shit...it doesn't matter to anyone but me and when it's all said and done, won't matter to anyone but me.
     
  2. Invisible Child

    Invisible Child Antiquities Friend

    :hug: It would matter to me. Can you call and talk with your doctor about how you are feeling? If that is not an option, what about calling the crisis line or even a really good friend? While I do not know what is going on with you hun, I do understand your feelings all to well. I will keep you in my thoughts. I am sending you the gentlest hugs.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    In the sickness of your mind you say these things but you dam well it would matter to me and to others here if you did attempt I know you don['t believe it but eh i know it is true people will care
     
  4. JAKngu

    JAKngu Member

    I said the same thing for the past few years. I won't do it. Nope. People care about me. I'll get less anxious and move on with my life. Well---sorry to say that I agree with you. I'm not saying go and do it. Just know that other people feel the same and still happen to wake up the next day. Each night, when I up the amount of pills I take, along with smoking pot, I hope that it'll just end. But it doesn't. So each day I have to just try to live like it's my last. Cause honestly, I want it to be.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 23, 2014
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    QuietStormyOne;1452810]:hug: It would matter to me. Can you call and talk with your doctor about how you are feeling?
    my doc(s) is one of the major contributors to me being were I am.

    If that is not an option, what about calling the crisis line or even a really good friend?
    Crisis line? Not stupid...I call them, they call the police. Been there too many times. Really good friend? I have only 1, doesn't live anywhere near me and sick of serving my shit on her plate.

    Listen I appreciate the advice but no worries. Just wanted to I don't know...not leave this life feeling so alone.
     
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    You misunderstood what I meant, but that's no problem. Practiced many methods...pills dude, you won't have enough. I've tried close to 1** at once. My usual method of choice but obviously not very successful. Can't discuss the last method at the end of July. Most promising and looks like it deserves another chance. Sort of my motto - this is the last day of the rest of your life.
     
  7. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    We've been SF friends for a long time but, no hun, it won't make a difference at all. Life goes on. People move on. Those of us that can't...commit suicide. Nature of the beast.
     
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Thanks folks.
     
  9. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Hey girl! This is the knitting lady. I know it doesn't end. I do small stuff and make what I can out of each day. But sometimes in the night, when my heart flutters, and I wonder if I'm dying, I get happy thinking maybe I get to go now.

    :hugs:
     
  10. JAKngu

    JAKngu Member

    Yes, itmahanh, I won't post better advice about getting the 'job' done. I've been in the hospital enough times to know that pills usually aren't the way to do it. I'm just saying that as often and as many times you think about doing it, they keep telling me to think as often and as long about what I'll miss when I do it. Hang in there! That storm before the rainbow thing they always say? I hear it's true.
     
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    and no life does not move on it just does not move on when someone loses someone sorry hun it does not move on the one that is left behind dies too no one understand that i guess
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi honey :hug: Just an observation I have made, you took a long break from here and I think Robin Williams suicide has triggered you-and a lot of people in fact. Please do not try and kill yourself, your kids need you and if you feel you're in imminent danger, please get help now Carla. We do care about you. :)
     
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