hello everyone, first i must express my gratitude for being permitted to post to this forum. reading through the forums, it is clear that this is a very caring and supportive group and i would very much appreciate if i could become part of this community. boring stuff about me: 32 yrs old (almost 33), black-American, female, extremely single, live currently in Virginia. i have battled/tolerated/wallowed in severe depression for as long as i have any memory, which would be age 3 or 4. this tells me that obviously there is something wrong with my brain chemistry. but then that was compounded by many tragedies...childhood sex abuse, father dying (actually being murdered) when i was 13, typical childhood bullying/loser with no friends stuff. i have only had one serious relationship in my life and to be honest it was beautiful and magical and greater than anything i ever could have dreamed or hoped. but after 10 yrs of course that came to an end...my many mental health issues were too much for him (or anyone), he said it was literally killing him. now he is happy with someone mentally stable and absolutely gorgeous, and although it has been 3 yrs since we ended it feels like yesterday to me every day, because my heart is constantly breaking. we do keep in touch, perhaps he feels sorry for him but he is my only friend in the world and the only person who cares about me at all. naturally however, even this minor connection must be kept secret. which of course reinforces all the ugly things i have always believed about myself. there are no other friends, no family who has kept in touch. i do have a very cute but overweight and poorly-behaved cat, and she is what keeps me here for now. if i were gone, there would be absolutely no one to care for her. i have come here because i am so sick and tired and honestly a bit angry at being so alone in the world. just a friend to speak to on the phone would be a dream come true for me, and a tiny part of me is hoping against hope that maybe something like that can grow from my being here...it is at least worth a try?