Sam here :)

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Cronus, Aug 20, 2016.

  1. Cronus

    Cronus Member

    Hi everyone,

    I'm not really a social media person (well, on one site I'm extremely popular but I'm keeping that secret while I'm here) and generally have little free time due to my long work hours. In real life, I'm one of the kindest, friendliest people you will meet. Online, I'm known to "let it go" and expose how I truly feel under different names on different forums (well, around 3 forums in the past 4 years but for me... that's a lot).

    A lot of my fans (once again I don't won't to link my identity with this forum) are children aged 6-12. They often add me on skype wanting me be my friend because, after a tough day of being bullied at school, just listening to me makes them feel calm, relaxed and happy. Then on skype they feel amazed that I've actually added them, I've had children crying in joy just by me saying hi to them and being friendly as usual with words of encouragement to get them through their life. Children as young as 8 have told me that I'm the only reason they haven't commited suicide. Some tell me they wish I was their dad...

    The thing is though that I don't have it all together, I may seem like a perfect person in real life and often I'm told that I've got the perfect personality but really, I'm suffering. I'm here just to chat with like minded people. I haven't seriously attempted to commit suicide but I have at times just hoped that I would pass away in my sleep. Unlike most people suffering from depression I know what will make me happy and I know how to achieve it. It's just a long, long path towards freedom...

    Anyway, glad to be a part of this community :)
    X-FallenSolitude-X likes this.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    HIi there @Cronus & welcome, I am glad that you are here and it is incredibile to read that you have saved people's lives, that really is lovely :)
    May I ask, are you in therapy or on medications or both? I hope joining here will help save your life because you are obviously a good person and deserve it to =)
    Cronus likes this.
  3. Cronus

    Cronus Member

    No, not in therapy or medications and I won't actually attempt suicide because I've already worked so hard to get to this point. There are reasons I can't do either of these things and, as much as this sounds "anti-science", I don't think it's possible that pills could make me happy. All my depression is caused by issues, I know exactly what these issues are and some of can be fixed, not all of them though.

    The big thing I'm working towards at the moment is financial freedom (retirement from paid jobs, helping others will always be something I do unpaid). I'm 22 years old, support myself and have never had anyone give me a cent. All my money has been earned though the multiple jobs I juggle. Currently my networth is extremely high for my age (over 200K AUD) because of my long working hours, extreme saving and investing. Once I get to $1,000,000, I'm leaving the paid working world to simply relax and help others for free.
    Petal likes this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Totally respect your decisions on whether to take medications or not. Who am I to judge! May I ask since you know what your issues are and some are fixable are you working towards fixing them currently? woo 200k at 22, that is f'ing amazing. I'm ashamed to say from 2004-2010 I only worked cleaning and now I do food and cleaning part time and on disability. I envy you lol, you are a smart cookie but hey life is not a race either :) so each to their own.
    Cronus likes this.
  5. Cronus

    Cronus Member

    Well, the only two issues I am working towards are the moment are "trying out my dream job for a year" and "reaching financial freedom". I'm leaving my current job in a little over a month then starting my dream job. I've only ever worked minimum wage jobs getting no more than $21 per hour AUD/Australian Dollars (it's the super frugal lifestyle and investing that has gotten me to my 200K+ networth situation).

    The issue with my dream job is that my starting wage is just $50 per week for 40 hours a week. It's a self-employment situation involving online content, thus why the pay is so low :) It does get better though if I do well! I can only do this job now because I have a huge pillow of money I have saved up to support me through this low pay job.

    The other issues are more complicated, one of which is non-resolvable, just dealing with these first.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You sound like you have it all together, perfectly summed up :) well done to you and good luck on your dream job, ihope it goes well x
    Cronus likes this.
  7. Cronus

    Cronus Member

    Thanks Petal but you forgot one thing, a quote from my first post: "The thing is though that I don't have it all together, I may seem like a perfect person in real life and often I'm told that I've got the perfect personality but really, I'm suffering"

    Haha, I told you! I do sound like I have it all together and that's often why people don't notice I'm suffering. I don't act like I have a problem, I act like I'm totally dealing with everything and I appear successful (well actually, I kind of am). What I'm bad at however is admitting my problems, especially the unfixable one, the disease I have that there is no cure for.

    It keeps me awake at night, it gets in the way of my job, my thoughts, my life. I can't live a normal life, get married, have children etc because of it and worst of all, I'm not allowed to talk about it. I'm different from the rest of the world, a glitch in the code, and that's part of the reason I'm here.

    Anyway, thanks for the replies Petal, I look forward to my stay here.
    Petal likes this.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    (hugs) sorry yeah I forgot you had said that honey. I'm sorry that you're truly hurting inside and may I ask why you cannot speak about your disease? I really feel for you. You deserve better than that. I hope to see more of you around the forum and enjoy your stay here, we are a friendly bunch and no one will judge you here!! :)
  9. Cronus

    Cronus Member

    As I said, my disease can't be spoken of, but I will talk about another issue. I'm asexual. In a normal situation, totally OK, but with the parents I have... Totally not! I HAVE to get married and HAVE to have children but, I can't. I can't have sex, it's just not possible for me due to being Asexual. If my parents found out I was asexual, that would be the end of me.

    What made it worse is when I was forced to go to a psychic a while back with my mum. She wanted to know if I would have kids and then boom, psychic says I will get married and have 3 kids... Now she's counting on it. Maybe the psychic was seeing foster children? Because I do plan on having foster children one day for as long as they need me.

    Basically, my mum believes (and yes, just because I have my own apartment and pay the bills etc, it doesn't mean I'm free from her judgement) that gay people (if anyone is gay and reading this, I have nothing against you but I recommend you stop reading here) all deserve to burn in hell. She doesn't understand that sexuality isn't a choice, it's like being born black and having the world hate you for the color of your skin. You can paint yourself white and pretend to be straight but you will never be happy hiding who you truly are.

    Anyway, I'm just trying to push the asexual thing to the side for now, I'll deal with that after I've reached financial independence. As for the disease, there may be a cure one day... That's all I can hope for.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Awww im sorry hun :( That must be very hard for you to live with considering how much pressure your mom is putting on you. Just be who you are and who you want to be and respect what she says as she's obviously ignorant about sexuality choices etc... just be you. I hope I have said that right. I mean respect her feelings not that she won't accept you. I am always around if you need to talk darling :)
    Cronus likes this.
  11. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    I feel in a way lucky that I got to know you here. Helping is good by its own, but helping kids is THE best. I admit that I was good at courses at school and for the first 8 years of school, I was bulling those who were not. Then I saw that how terrible impact this might have on their lives and I feel so ashamed and regretful for what I've done. The only thing that I can do now is to wish that my behaviour didn't hurt them too much. It's so good that people like you exist to make up things that people like me do.

    I am sorry that you feel like your mom won't understand your choice of life. I do wish that things get fine for you and your family and if you decide to have children you can adopt them and they will be blessed to have you as their dad.
  12. Cronus

    Cronus Member

    Hi sahel,

    Great to hear that you changed for the better after 8 years. A change in your personality isn't easy but the fact you made that step and wish them the best now is what matters.

    Good luck with the rest of your journey and thanks for the encouragement and good wishes ;)