Same Gender and how they make you feel about yourself

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by InnerStrength, Aug 1, 2008.

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  1. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    So, I don't know what to think anymore. In the past I've had offers from women, some of them really attractive, but that was in the past. Some of the dudes I've worked with have said I'm ugly, that happened within the last month.

    But women have called me really cute, hot, sexy, etc. Now I have trouble believing I'm even remotely attractive. My question is, can guys say things out of jealousy about your looks (even though they supposedly don't care about it)?

    I've tried to be more confident with women, talking to them more, and it's helped but I'm not near confident to appear flirtatious.
     
  2. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    First how old are you, these guys and the women? What's changed with you in the last month? How are these guys doing with women?

    I don't think guys generally are jealous of another guy's looks, but in this self-absorbed, the media tells you want to think, society we live in, that may have changed.

    Also, you'll build confidence in just being able to talk to women, don't worry about being flirtatious until you're ready. But practice is always good.
     
  3. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Well, I meant the most recent times someone has said that was last month, it's happened a few times over the years. But, some of my dude friends have indirectly complimented my looks (I'd rather they wouldn't), by saying things like "she might be fair game for YOU" (referring to an attractive girl), or saying it was a compliment when compared to me in that area. I really wish those people would keep their opinions to themselves, as it irks me either way. And most of those guys who said that do crappy with women.

    I just don't get why else they would do that, as I've had quite a few unsolicited offers.
     
  4. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    I hate to tell you this, but you're a "bad boy." YOU and you alone, are single handedly the reason why your guy friends aren't getting girls. Never mind that it seems like you're not supremely confident in yourself. All that matters is that girls are paying attention to you and not them. Sucks to be you! :)

    Honestly, it does sound like jealousy but not just about your looks, but because they're not doing well with girls and you can at least talk to them and have them talk back. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Keep talking to the girls and build up your confidence and you'll do fine. The guys are responsible for their own good or bad fortune and they're just blaming you instead.
     
  5. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Thanks odnox, your post did help:smile:

    But, there was one situation that bothered me that happened some time ago, with this one guy that was a little younger than me, said I am jealous because me and this other guy make him look good in front of the women b/c one guy called him ugly, and I just told him what that co-worker said about him (I DIDN't insult him).

    Later, I asked him if he meant what he said, and he said "I was just joking," but I'm not so sure as he berates the one that said it about him behind his back. That, and he compared me to that guy (which is an insult) but he claimed he was messing with me. I know it was a stupid thing to get upset over, but it was really annoying. Sorry if this was confusing, lol

    Anyway, your insight has helped me and I'll try to think about what you said.
     
  6. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    Sounds like more jealousy and the "I was just joking" was a dodge for someone who got caught.

    I'm a firm believer that you have complete control over yourself and that as long as you're looking outside of yourself for happiness OR blame you're not going to get anywhere. Sure sometimes fate can conspire against you, but you have control over how you see and feel about every situation. That's a lot of power to realize and it IS scary because you have no one else to blame. Read "Man's Search for Meaning" about how you have control in the worst of situations.

    You said you don't like guys telling you that you look good and as a guy I can understand, but you need to allow yourself to accept compliments from anyone and see them as genuine. There is a lot of phoniness in the world, but you don't know for sure who is or is not telling you the truth. So don't look at the motives, look only at what is said. If someone says you look good, that's all they mean.

    Keep going, it sounds like you're doing pretty well.
     
  7. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Well, if I did that for the negative comments, I'd be in bad shape lol! But I'm assuming you meant do that for the positive ones.

    And yeah, I'm really trying to up my confidence/social acuity with the ladies. It's a hard thing, especially when you are in the age bracket where others already expect you to know that stuff. Well, anyway, thanks for your posts they've done me a lot of good.
     
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello,
    It isn't normal for other guys to check you out and let you know if your attractive or not. I would ask them if they are gay? It sounds like you have pretty good luck with the ladies. So why can't you beleive them? Me personally I would beleive the ladies. And tell your friends to get a life!! Take Care...
     
  9. InnerStrength

    InnerStrength Well-Known Member

    Well, even though I've had offers in the past, I've never really DONE anything. I was homeschooled up until my sophomore year in highschool since about the fifth grade...so maybe that has stunted me a little?

    My self-esteem probably won't be fully restored until I actually DO something with a girl.
     
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