First of all I am not sure if this is in the right subsection of the forum, does it encompass platonic relationships as well? Anyway, three years ago I decided to take a risk and step out of my safe little shell, and try to become more social. I had to, or else I would not really last much longer. Chronic, searing loneliness has plagued me since I was a child. And at first it was great, I met new people, experienced new things, got a chance to finally explore. It almost made up for all the years I had to spend alone, watching as everyone else lived and I simply existed. But, for some reason, whenever I think I have forged a friendship, it ends. People just, tend to leave me. I have considered many possibilities, and I have done everything I can to improve. And it's not as if am anti-social or awkward around people, I am reasonably outgoing, caring, and I can make people laugh, sometimes. And people tell me that I am pleasant to be with. Then why, do most of my attempts end up in such failure? People I have spent time with, supported, cared for, just decided to snub me and exclude me. And I will never know why, I didn't know when I was a child, and I still have no answers. What else can I do? I am dying of thirst but every time I try to drink I just, spill water everywhere. I wish I could be anti-social, and just take pleasure in my own company. I could be so happy and productive then. But the constant rejection, hurts, especially since it is always at a point when I think I finally have another true friend. And I don't want to die without experiencing.. well maybe I am just chasing something that doesn't exist. Twenty-seven is.. far too old to have no good friends to speak of. Maybe one day I will finally find my answer, but, who knows. I just don't know how I am going to dig down and find the strength to endure even more failures and false starts. Another three years of this will be far too much for me to cope with. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this. I don't really think there is anything I can do about it. And if I had the courage to I would simply go to sleep and forget about all of the anguish it has caused me. What does one do when you cannot be a part of humanity? And all your attempts get a rewarded with a slap. I know I am good enough for others, but I cannot understand why they don't really want me around. Also I miss the few people from this forum that I used to speak to, years ago. I hope they are okay as they just went silent, one after another.