Same old story

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Sardaukar, Apr 12, 2014.

  1. Sardaukar

    Sardaukar Well-Known Member

    First of all I am not sure if this is in the right subsection of the forum, does it encompass platonic relationships as well?

    Anyway, three years ago I decided to take a risk and step out of my safe little shell, and try to become more social. I had to, or else I would not really last much longer. Chronic, searing loneliness has plagued me since I was a child. And at first it was great, I met new people, experienced new things, got a chance to finally explore. It almost made up for all the years I had to spend alone, watching as everyone else lived and I simply existed.

    But, for some reason, whenever I think I have forged a friendship, it ends. People just, tend to leave me. I have considered many possibilities, and I have done everything I can to improve.

    And it's not as if am anti-social or awkward around people, I am reasonably outgoing, caring, and I can make people laugh, sometimes. And people tell me that I am pleasant to be with. Then why, do most of my attempts end up in such failure? People I have spent time with, supported, cared for, just decided to snub me and exclude me. And I will never know why, I didn't know when I was a child, and I still have no answers. What else can I do?

    I am dying of thirst but every time I try to drink I just, spill water everywhere. I wish I could be anti-social, and just take pleasure in my own company. I could be so happy and productive then. But the constant rejection, hurts, especially since it is always at a point when I think I finally have another true friend. And I don't want to die without experiencing.. well maybe I am just chasing something that doesn't exist. Twenty-seven is.. far too old to have no good friends to speak of.

    Maybe one day I will finally find my answer, but, who knows. I just don't know how I am going to dig down and find the strength to endure even more failures and false starts. Another three years of this will be far too much for me to cope with.

    Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read this. I don't really think there is anything I can do about it. And if I had the courage to I would simply go to sleep and forget about all of the anguish it has caused me. What does one do when you cannot be a part of humanity? And all your attempts get a rewarded with a slap. I know I am good enough for others, but I cannot understand why they don't really want me around. Also I miss the few people from this forum that I used to speak to, years ago. I hope they are okay as they just went silent, one after another.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I just wanted to say I did read this, and that I have heard the same of many people here. I would say the same happens to me because it does , but to be fair it is at least as much my doing as other people doing to me so I do not count it if it is me pulling away or putting distance into it. All I have to add is that I do not think it is you or something you are doing, so I am not sure there is something you can do to "fix" it. I think it is in large part human nature- with the very rare exception where friendship turns into actual relationship (which can still be completely platonic but is beyond typical friends in my opinion) people grow and move away from each other more often than not.
     
  3. Stripe

    Stripe Well-Known Member

    Some of the people you used to speak to here are still around :hug: (not often on this forum but sometimes I am). Even if I am thousands of miles away and unable to see you in real life I am still here and would like to speak to you again. Sling me an email some time. I sign on to Skype sometimes to see if your online. So far not been lucky. Give me a shout. It would be good to catch up with you.
    I miss talking to you and hearing your south African accent that I enjoy listening to so much. I like to think we are still friends and a fair few things have happened since I last talked to you that I think you would be surprised at.
    Get in contact dude. Its been too long.