hello my name is art. unsure how i found this, was typing in <mod edit - methods> but i will give it a try. i suffer from high anxiety and panic disorders like some i read here. i will go somewhere and have to rush back home before i feel like i am gonna have a heart attack, i cant drive, never had a license, reason is i chose not too, so i wont have one while driving and hurt someone else. Borderline personality disorder is what i suffer from aswell. i have a good friend i really love. and i feel like i am losing them to another, which may be in my head, and when i get this way, i tend to cut myself and it feels better for a short temporary time. i cant sleep anymore, and i dont have anyone to talk too. i feel like i am alone in this dark small room of mine, while life passes me by. 44 year old male, and i never been normal since a child. i cant stand rejection and stay away from people because i am scared to get close, then get hurt afterwards and go back into this self harm cycle, i keep thinking of getting my blades out but i havent yet. its been years since i ever hurt myself, and i thought i was over it, but i realised its only because i been so-called happier than usual. but now that i am back into thinking i am losing a person i really do love. and i am right back into my depression once more. i am on cypralex but it dont help at all. i tried cyriquil or however u spell it, but it gave me panic attacks. lonelyness is a killer. i do not know what else to say. but temptation has me siding with hurting myself again. like a drug calling me. i must be sick.