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Same Thought

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#1
For weeks now I have had this image in my head of me doing something to end my life. I can't share what it is but it keeps popping into my head multiple times a day and I want to do it so badly. I'm so heartbroken and exhausted. The worst I have ever felt was about 8 years ago when I attempted and I am slowly getting closer to that same feeling.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
For weeks now I have had this image in my head of me doing something to end my life. I can't share what it is but it keeps popping into my head multiple times a day and I want to do it so badly. I'm so heartbroken and exhausted. The worst I have ever felt was about 8 years ago when I attempted and I am slowly getting closer to that same feeling.
I'm sorry lightning. It's hard when those thoughts won't leave. *hug

Do you have something happy you can think about to answer it? Sometimes when I get those sudden thoughts I look at a picture of my niece to remember that I do want to be here.
 

Champagne

✯✯ Heart of an angel ✯✯
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
Hey there *hug

Intrusive thoughts like these can sometimes be warning signs that we need to get real life help especially if other things you have tried have not brought any relief, it is to try and block out suicidal thoughts. Talking may help. Other distractions may help.

May I ask, was there a trigger, a change of medication, perhaps?

I'm so sorry you feel this low but you are not alone. Keep talking to us ok? *hug10
 

FlamingoWrangler

Well-Known Member
#4
Hi @lightning05 !
intrusive thoughts are the worst. they get to be overwhelming, just exhausting.

are there triggers that you can identify? What is causing the heartbreak? i am sorry you attempted 8 years ago, what was the recovery like? What helped get you back n control?
sorry if my questions are overwhelming & exhausting. i hope you can start feeling rested, with a calm, peaceful spirit very soon.
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#5
I drove myself to th hospital but I went back home last minute. Even if it is voluntary, I don't know if I can handle the lockdown and feeling like I'm in prison. Knowing I can't leave of my own accord will cause me too much distress. However I'm not okay. I don't want to talk to anyone because I don't want to hear advice or platitudes. The only person who will just *listen* is my boyfriend but I am so afraid that he will get tired of me and want to break up with me after a while. I have one friend who is always there for me but she's going through a medical procedure right now so I am trying to support her and not stress her with my shit.

I'm not thinking straight. I feel like I'm going crazy and the thought won't leave but I know I can't act on it because I promised I wouldn't end it. I just don't know what I can do to relieve the pain of feeling like a failure and a loser and a burden. I don't want anyone to have to deal with me anymore and I don't want to deal with myself. I don't have any confidence and I can barely handle the simplest task without crying. I don't have health insurance either because I quit my job because I couldn't handle it. I'm ashamed at how I can't even be a basic functioning adult right now. I've always been fucked up because people decided to rape and molest me as a child and I will always be a damaged mess. I'm going to stop because I know I'm just rambling but this is what it's like inside of me right now.
 

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