It never goes away. I wonder what it's like to wake up and actually want to be alive? I have no idea what that's like. I've tried all kinds of antidepressants and they don't work except for side effects. Like making me fat or making my stomach hurt. I don't have insurance so I don't matter. Like I do anyway. I fuck everything up in my life. I can't keep relationships. I want to die every single day. Who's going to care? I don't sleep like a normal person. I don't do anything like a normal person. I'm in pain all the time. My back hurts and my leg hurts all the time and none of the mophine or vicodin works. I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin all the time. I can't be out and enjoy anything. I don't get excited about anything. No guys ever ask me out. I just wake up everyday after my hour of sleep and do nothing. I can't find a job. I can't even get online dates to work. Pathetic. Useless. Waste of space. It's not like I lost anything. I just never had anything.