same whole again...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lonelyone78888, Jun 1, 2009.

  1. Just when i thought I was out of it... and now im back in it. It took me a while, but Ive come to terms with the fact that im single, lonely, have really no friends, am boring, almost non-existent self-confidence level, dont have anything to talk about most of the time.

    Here I am online looking for girlfriends, and for what? Ive realized that even if I hook up initially, it's not going to last. It's the same with my friends... they dont last.

    Im a slob and mostly messy. I have a job which i dont mind, but still... what's the point in life? I mean, really, just to work during the day and then for me, come home and find something to do so I wont be bored. I have no ambitions in life, nothing I want to do.

    I cant seem to handle my money well. Im in debt, even though I spend almost nothing on expenses. I can never seem to save up money it seems.

    I dont have anything to do. I want to do more, but that requires friends to go out and do it, otherwise it's just miserable and lonely doing it. My friends dont want to do anything with me... heck, the dont even want to talk to me... prob cause there's something more interesting they could be doing, yet if it was another friend, they'd go out and do something with them.

    This is pointless, I dont see any point to living anymore. There's nothing for me in life. People may think im a great guy, but really... no. Just wait a few months, you'll be over me.

    Maybe I'll just end it... maybe in the next 2 weeks I'll have the time to do it. Sure my family will miss me blah blah blah, but I see no point in living anymore. This is stupid, I hate my life. If that makes me selfish, well I am, and I dont care about it. Why should it matter to anyone else... Im just one person, they'll get over it.
  2. lonelyone78888

    lonelyone78888 Account Closed


    Well, Ive come to a realization today.... I am giving up on love completely. I know my self-confidence level is low and it's definately not improving... so Ive learned to accept that. I know that i'll never find that perfect girl... or even if i ever did, would never keep her. Besides that, I just dont think I can deal with a relationship in my life. Therefore, Ive decided not to try to love or look for a girlfriend anymore. The same goes with friends really... but that one might just be a temporary thing.

    I just feel really uncaring for anything right now. About others, about the world... about myself. I dont care about my job, what happens to me, about if people are sad or not. Sorry to be so honest... but I am, no use hiding it. I know im a very selfish person too it seems. Makes me a jerk sure, but again, do i care right now? no. Its my life so why should others dictate it? I just dont care anymore and feel like just ending it. But oh well, this has relieved enough emotions for tonight. Go another boring day in the projected paradise we live in.... (insert sarcastic face)
  3. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    I see where you are coming from. I support you. I personally kindof enjoy daydreaming about girlfriends so I wouldn't ever let go of that. Now commuticating with girls is another story because I hate it when I feel like a complete loser.

    One thing i'd like to say. You arn't very selfish for your choices. I hope what I say doesn't bother you. Depressed people (from my experience) blame themselves for alot of stuff. Me and my mother are a perfect example. I blame myself for her depression and she blames herself for my depression. But the truth is it isn't anybodies fault but... I still feel guilty. You are not responsible for how other people feel. If you choose a mindset that hurts them it is their problem not yours. You have no reason the feel selfish although if you are like me you will probably feel selfish no matter what you think. Although sometimes it feels better to feel guilty than to realize that it has very little to do with you (its harsh I know but I have to remind myself this alot when I blame myself for things that I have no need to feel guilty about). Crap, I realized I dont exactly agree with everything I just said. Eh, think whatever you want about it.

    Btw life can change quickly. What if the perfect girl found you when you were least expecting it and helped you get out of the rut you are in. Wouldn't that make the rest of the crap worth it. I dream of that happening to me all the time, never stops making me smile. Lol I remember one time when I was on a toilet and felt like I was going to die (some heart stuff and head hurt very bad) after I had run away from home. I was daydreaming and I smiled, I wish I had a picture of that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2009
  4. DidiGi

    DidiGi New Member

    I understand you completely. Most of the time, I feel lonely too. I have a feeling that no one understands me, even my friends and my family. When I start to talk to them, they don't even listen and I think why even to bother to tell someone what I feel. They don't want to know. They're occupied with their own problems. That’s why now I say no one what I feel (except now). I have no boyfriend (and I think I wont have one, because of my issues), I don't go to the parties or clubs don't go out with friends, because I think I'm so boring. In addition I have trust issues, ED (eating disorder), and sometimes I'm hurting myself. I'm sick that I need to pretend that everything is fine. But I'm not fine, world is not fine. Many people are not fine. You see, I'm messed up too.
    What can we do? Life sucks, yes, but maybe we should change ourselves. I know it’s hard. And most of the time it’s impossible.
    Maybe you should change environment. Start doing something different, something new. Look for new friends, look for new hobbies, change apartment, travel etc. Turn over a new leaf. Find something that makes you happy and hold on that. Maybe you need to ask others how their feeling, what problems they have. Sometimes it helps me-switch your thoughts from your own problems to others problems.
    I think that you need to try to change your life before doing something with yourself. Good luck.

    Sorry, if I sound like some kind of annoying teacher ;)

    P.S. Sorry for my language. English is not my native