I have ran out of things to keep me sane. I used to have friends for that. But when I fell ill with depression and such, they all abandoned me. All but one, my best friend. She died 6 years ago to an illness, which she told me nothing about. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. I had some "friends" after that, but eventually I got completely left alone by them as well. So that's friends ruled out. Out of me & my 3 brothers, I was always the unwanted one because of my gender. After I moved out to live on my own I haven't had any contact with my father and barely any with my mother. Well, no family either to help with the whole sanity thing. 3 years ago I met someone I fell in love with. We dated for about a year and broke up, because of me and me being ill. We stayed friends for a long time after that, meeting regularly and just general talking. This year, on my birthday, I got called as a bitch by him, among other things alike and he hasn't talked to me since. Which rules him out as well. He was the last thing keeping me mentally in one piece and now... I don't know. I'm scared.