Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by aoeu, Oct 24, 2008.

  1. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    About 16 months ago she entered my life. It was wonderful. Every spare minute last summer we talked. We fought a lot, but made up just as much... I gained social skills from those fights, so they were ultimately productive.

    14 months ago she moved away forever.

    For a while I could still talk to her, but it was a right disaster. I couldn't deal with the loneliness, so we got into fights more often, and made up less... Eventually we had a big fight around Christmas [by the way, I already dreaded Christmas. This didn't help.] I went down, and hard. I was suicidal when I wasn't asleep; I drank myself to sleep when I was suicidal.

    School started up again, for me and for her. My main concern was avoiding everyone I'd met the previous summer, in the burst of confidence brought on by meeting her. She was busy, but eventually she came to retrieve me from the blackness. That lasted a few months, and life was looking liveable again. Then she started meeting people. Then she started going to parties. Now she's gone. Always gone. Always time for parties, never time for me. Never time for me...

    I followed her. I live in a strange city now. It's been quite an experience, moving away from everything I've ever known. I don't regret it, even though I don't suppose I'll ever see her in person again. I don't miss my family. I'm looking forward to completely missing Christmas this year. But she's off at a party, possibly doing drugs - I just don't know what she's like anymore. She'll be at another one tomorrow night. She won't go home in between. I might get to talk to her on Sunday.

    When she needs emotional support, she comes running to me, and I do the best I possibly can, and she always appreciates it.

    When I need emotional support, I take double my medication to put me to sleep.
  2. Aissela

    Aissela Well-Known Member

    :sad: :sad: :hug:

    talk to her about it, tell her you need a little more of her around. it sounds like she does care about you, let her know you need her.
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I tried. We've been over it so many times. She's simply not willing to give up her social life for me - that's what she says, that's not what I asked. Sometimes she gets mad. More recently she said she'd try to be around more. She hasn't been, and I don't want to bring it up or she'll get mad.
  4. Aissela

    Aissela Well-Known Member

    then i don't know what advice to give you.. i'm sorry :sad:
    try finding someone around your or maybe here on SF who can give you the support you need?
    i'm sure many people would be willing to be there for you as often as you need them
    feel free to message me anytime if you want! :hug: