Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rukia, Dec 10, 2009.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    My parents are going away on Saturday, and it's a great opportunity for me to leave. I feel that I have three options:
    1. Get some friends to come over to keep me company
    2. Stay at home alone and hope that I don't hurt myself too much
    3. Just end it when I'm done at work

    I really want number 3, but I was planning on waiting until after Christmas. And the weather won't be right, so I can't go the way I want most. I just want to die so much.
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    If you want to tell why, I'm more than willing to listen.
  3. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I don't have a good reason. I have a loving family, great friends and a part-time job that I like. I've never had anything bad happen to me, but I just want to die. It's on my mind all the time, last night I couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes I saw different ways of ending it. I just hate living.
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Maybe it's a chemical imbalance? Those can be fixed.

    Keep talking, posting, pming, whatever. You are too valuable a person to waste.
  5. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    i pick door number 1. isolation is no good for these kinds of mental states. (says i, from experience.)

    and i agree with fawkes, if there's nothing situational about it, it could very well be chemical.. are you in any kind of therapy or on any medication or anything? how long has this been going on?

    take it easy. keep posting!
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree, you should pick #1..Your a very nice and caring young lady..Please if things are that bad you should see your doctor..Being on meds isn't that bad.. There are a couple that make you sleepy, the rest you don't even notice your on them..One day you will discover you feel better..It took a while for me to get stable on my meds.. They have to keep adjusting and changing them until you start feeling good..It's just part of the process..Be well and take care!!
  7. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    It is probably chemical, I guess I felt better when I was taking my anti-depressants. I'm currently only on Risperdal to keep the voices under control, but I have to reduce them from 4 mg to 3 mg on Monday because my doctor don't think I need them. Therapy didn't really do anything good for me. I've been suicidal since I was 14, so 9 years.
  8. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    good luck to you. i wish i could help but i feel the same as you.
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