Save lilly

My name is Lilly.
I have been thinking of suside for a long time.
I am almost ready to go.
I've never really belived in hell but haven was someplace I could imagine.
A place where dead family and dead pets could meet and live again in happiness. I miss my little brother and my father.
They died in a car acsdent 5 years ago.
Peter was 13. We fought so much, the last thing I said to him was, "stay out of my room while I'm at pratice". I now feel so bad about the way I treated him. My father, he knew I loved him but I never said it.
I have thought it through, I know how I will do it.
I am only talking about these things to my computer because I owe my mother that much. I owe her a chance. A chance for me to get over this thing and live like a NORMAL person. I don't think I'll find my salvation here on this site, at another or in a theripists office. I have given myself an untimatium. I will look for my salvation until my next birthday (August 15th) Next year. If by then I haven't found what I need I will end my life and be done with this horribly crule world we insects call earth, crawling on its surface thinking we are bigger and stronger than something that been here way longer than us.
People of the Internet, Can you SAVE LILLY?

I[/I] don't think so....

 

If we knew then, what we know now, we truly would have done some things differently...it is so normal for brothers and sisters to behave as you did and does not indicate that you did not show your love for your brother...please do not blame yourseld...and your love for your father...what was it about him that you can continue in his honor? That might be a productive way to perserve his memory...I am sorry for your loss and for the way you have been treating yourself...you are worth so much and I hope you find a way to express that...J

 

First off, welcome to sf. Secondly, I'm sure if you knew those were going to be your last words to him you wouldn't have said what you said. I'm sorry you lost your family, it's gonna be hard. But you've now got a wonderful group of people back here to support you. I know losing your family isn't easy but at least they are looking down on you and protecting you. You've got a whole family of guardian angels watching over you. Please be safe and stay with us. <3 if you need anything, feel free to PM me.

 

Hey Lilly I lost a cousin in a car accident - she was as close as to me as you were to your brother. She was 11 - I was in my 20s when she died. Some speeding driver - cops wife actually. I accept that my niece ran across a busy road - well, when your 11 you do that sometimes. I guess I did also. I know I did.

I think I would have told her get out of my room when I was practising It was a punk band - little ears ought not be listening to me swear! But she did - the sneak!

I know that the 'last words' you say to someone - can be a lottery. We assume we will be alive tomorrow and our loved ones will be also. That's natural when you are young.

So do not worry about telling your little brother to get out of your room! Your a girl - you have to have that privacy and when practising - your little brother would break the guitar or piano or whatever you play.

What do you play by the way??

Well - like you I wanted to die - to swap places if I could. But we cannot do that - its rare anyone has the chance to sacrifice their life to save another.

And when you are young - often we do not tell people we love them - because being a daughter - there is no need to say that! Your dad knew that you loved him.

And hey Lilly - we are on the internet but we are REAL people like you - with stories - and losses and heartaches. We also have depression so maybe you will be a part of this thing here - you will be accepted - and sure we will try and save you. Its a challenge accepted.

Thanks for letting this all out - you are a good person and just going through a horrible time with an illness that takes the best of us to a bad place at times.

Thankfully - there are ways forward - but its all about small steps Lilly - and obviously you need to make the right choices so you end up following a 'good path' in life.

Also - its the fight to 'think' about good things and having good things in your life. This can be anything that makes you happy or even things that just stop you being sad!

Sometimes you just need a friend or two - more even - but if we find people can share things with then life does not seem so bad.

Find a sponsor! Well - I have my own theory that whilst this forum is brilliant - sometimes its nice to either chat or email and so on. AA and NA use sponsor systems and maybe being suicidal is worse than just liking too much cocaine or booze and so on. I wish I was just an addict - so I could simply stop using drugs - and be OK again. But - that's me crying the blues - I guess being addicted to coke is not that great also. And at least depression is free, right lol. Our free gift!

For now use the PM system when people get in touch - you never know someone might live around the corner! It happens - and I wish the world was smaller so we could just pop in for a cup of a tea and have a nice chat every so often.

Anyhow - I don't think people can save you - all we can do is show you ways to save yourself.

You will be saved - because I think in your own mind - you want to leave the cocoon and fly - you want to live - and want to have a life your brother would be proud of and your dad and your poor mum who will be feeling like you at times - sure. No mum takes that loss without feeling really down.

So talk to your mum also.

Thanks for being a bit 'upbeat' in your own distress.

I should have asked people to save me on my first post!

Thanks Lilly - and list some interests you have or had.

What were you practising that your little brother loved so much?

Stick around on the forums - you'll find some nice people here who will help you - and I'm sure you will helping people in a few weeks also!

Good luck and God bless.

R.I.P for your little bro and mum. They have peace now - its you who need to find it now - that is what your mum and little bro would have wanted.

Regards!