save me

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by swallowfall, Oct 9, 2012.

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  1. swallowfall

    swallowfall Active Member

    i tried to kill myself 2 nights ago, i cut my hand with a razor last night in the shower (no blood though, just superficial slits in the skin), i've been feeling crap all day, i'm not seeing my psychologist until next monday, and i need help now. i know my friend is really worried and she doesn't want to lose me because we basically keep each other alive but i can't handle it anymore. i have so many plans of ways to kill myself. i tried to kill myself 3 times in 1 hour the other day and i spent an hour on the phone to kids helpline last night under my doona, hoping my parents wouldn't come in. i'm going through the scariest time of my life right now, and i don't know how to tell anyone with actual power. i've told multiple phone/online counsellors and my two closest friends in the world, but i don't know how to tell anyone else, even my boyfriend. i really want to get help, real help, but i just don't know how. please help! as soon as i get into the shower, i'll see that razor and that goddamn pumice and that urge will get too strong and this time, this time i might actually get some blood out and that might just be enough to make me weak enough for the actual suicide attempt to work... please, no cheesy 'you'll be ok' crud because i won't be. i can't pull through on my own. even if i just have someone to talk to... please, please, please help me. and you know, this thread might not even get approved until it's too late...
    i think i'm going to cry. oh, and i just thought of another way to SH:< edit mod total eclipse method> but i don't give a crap. who cares, when one is planning to kill oneself?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    YOu want help hun you need help you call your doctor you go into emergency at hospital and ask to talk to someone who can help you take your pain away your sadness away. You talk here you can make some good friends here who will help you hold on ok, You talk to a teacher a councillor at your school a relative but you talk. Your parents will help you so talk to them I am a parent and my daughter had done the same thing hun she has got help now and is not self harming and so can you get help. TALK ok to someone you trust go in and get some therapy and get healing hun YOu parents will help you they will hugs
     
  3. swallowfall

    swallowfall Active Member

    i'm talking to lifeline online now.
    thankyou for your support, i really appreciate it :)
     
  4. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Go talk to your parents, NOW. And have them get you into the hospital if necessary.

    It can get better, but you need help to get you through this rough spot. I sure wish you all the best in finding the help you need.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Im glad your talking hun but try ok to tell your parents leave a note for them to find asking them for support to get out of this sadness your feeling No parent wants there child sad hun so talk to them ok Good for you hun getting courage to call lifeline hugs to you
     
  6. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    :hug: you can always talk to us on here
     
  7. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you have a phone and can talk to someone when in need...maybe they can help you find an appropriate place to go and get help? have you asked them? make an appointment with your doctor and tell him/her you need help because you are having suicidal thoughts, you don't have to be specific if you don't feel comfortable...or go to the emergency at a hospital and let them know how you feel...also talking here helps (well I find) because most persons here understand and relate....
     
  8. swallowfall

    swallowfall Active Member

    thankyou for your support everyone. i was planning to go to the school counsellor today but my idiot parents found me on my laptop using lifeline's online counselling and i think mum might have guessed what i was up to or otherwise got into my account, because she 'let' me stay home today, despite the fact that i really need to go to aafc tonight and i need to tell my friends i'm ok and hrahoaegruohregnlb parents are frustrating.
    as for going to hospital, i live about an hour away from the city by car and i'm 14, so to get there i would have to call an ambulance or ask my mum to take me there and neither of those things is happening, i'm afraid.
     
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    why not tell your mom you need help? sit her down and say look, I need to go to the hospital and get help...or write her a note...I know parents get afraid when things like that happen...they don't understand and fear the worse...or sometimes they think people will say they are bad parents, which has nothing to do with that....talking to the school counselor is a good idea too...maybe he/she can help you figure out what to do...
     
  10. swallowfall

    swallowfall Active Member

    so, on tuesday night my parents found me on my laptop really late using a crisis support online chat. as a result, mum made me stay home yesterday and talk all day. but still, nothing has been done. she also removed anything remotely dangerous from the bathroom. i can't even use the razor for its intended purpose now. so one could say that in some ways she overreacted, but in other ways she under reacted. i really wish she would actually do something instead of just saying 'you can talk to me'. she doesn't seem to understand how hard that is.
     
  11. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    it's hard for family members to have loved ones suffering, they want to fix things and they don't realize that with some things they can't. At least she seems like she cares...maybe if you tell her exactly what you need she might do more, like making an appointment with a specialist or whatever....

    my mom is schizophrenic and so she knows that she can't cure depression (which I have) and my anxiety disorder....but my dad is different, he believes he can cure me himself...so I guess it all depends on who they are and what they understand about the situation...my dad has no clue, as to my mom she knows because of her own illness...
     
  12. swallowfall

    swallowfall Active Member

    Got admitted to hospital last night, no Internet and can't contact anyone other than family. On overnight leave today and hopefully tomorrow, then back on Monday to see the CAMH team. Also now have a cold. Because, you know, it's not like I already have enough to deal with.
     
  13. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    wow I'm happy you're getting help :) aww yes colds sucks :( but at least you're getting help and you're getting noticed and treated as important :) keep us updated...and I hope you feel better and get all the help you need and want
     
  14. swallowfall

    swallowfall Active Member

    feel like crap. sick as a dog, my friend has taken a really bad turn and isn't eating and has gone back to cutting, i freaked out and replied with 'no way, what is wrong with you, don't do that!', very unhelpful, haven't heard back, now feel really bad and stupid. also made my boyfriend feel like crap after emailing him this message: 'I'm definitely broken- I'm on overnight leave from hospital for mental health issues. Spent last night there in a room with a little boy with atypical pneumonia (very contagious…) who was moved halfway through the night and another boy with a rectal infection and a leaky drip. I think I win the hectic week award ;) my arm is really sore, they made me have a blood test as part of admission last night. Oh, and I have a cold. Yay me. Anyway, I'll stop being a downer and rack off because I'm not supposed to be on the Internet. I can't have Internet at the hospital and I can only contact my parents FYI.' after he told me about his week. i now feel really bad for both of them. oh, and i'm about to cut. got leave extended for tonight and have to be at hospital by 8:30am tomorrow, but want to go back. trouble is, still don't know how to tell my mum. found a spare razor hanging around that mum must've forgotten about. just letting you know where i'm at. thanks for supporting me.
     
  15. swallowfall

    swallowfall Active Member

    Ok. Wow. Hospital amounted to ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. After I told my story the millionth time, the CAMHS people just said 'keep seeing your psychologist' and left. My doctor referred me to a paediatrician who can prescribe me something if I need it but I can't get in until next year. I burnt my hand unintentionally today, I felt almost no pain despite it being quite swollen. I just don't feel anything anymore. I had an awful day at school yesterday but I couldn't say 'I need some time alone, just give me a minute' because of course, none of the teachers know. Well, one does, but she doesn't understand at all. She has nothing more than a surface knowledge that I had depression at the start of the year. She thinks I've recovered I'm pretty sure, because I've become pretty good at pretending to be happy, although I can't keep it up much longer to be honest. I need someone to do something actually helpful so I can get past all this shit. There's no other way to describe it. I'm sick of people saying 'you'll be fine' and 'you can get past it' because it's not true. Anyway, I'm gonna try and get some sleep night everyone.
     
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