saying goodbye....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by darkpixxseydust, Jul 29, 2008.

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  1. i am way beyond help. i first became suicidal when i was 11. i am now 20 and not a day goes by that i don't wish i were dead. when i was 15 i had made up my mind that i couldn't die without having first straitened out my life. my first goal was to finish high school. i have done that. my second goal was to finish unfinished business with family and friends. i have done that. my third goal was to have the perfect princess room i never had when i was little. it is now finished. my last goal was to have my mom say she was proud of me. she said it about a month ago. i plan to take a swim at the end of September. i have turned my life around so that i do not leave a huge mess behind. i am in pain but it will soon come to an end. i need some one who i can talk to for now. please i have no one to talk to freely about my feelings. someone please talk to me....:please:
     
  2. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    Hey, those things you've done are really big achievements. Is there something that's making you feel suicidal or does it feel more irrational? Is there anything that would make you change you mind about dying? Please feel free to keep posting here, I'm really sorry that things are so bad for you.
     
  3. hare

    hare Active Member

  4. white

    white Well-Known Member

    Dude, ill be honest. my AIM is mustangaw1259. Please, Talk to me
    please it doesnt have to be like that.
     
  5. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    You've managed to reach your goals and it would be a shame to throw that all away. Can you think of anything that would make your life better? It may take small steps but at the end of it you'll most likely feel better. Have you tried talking to anyone, preferably a professional about your suicidal thoughts? Take care, and we are here for you. :hug:
     
  6. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    hey hunni

    so u came this far , please feel free to talk to me , how bout trying to put a few more goals in place before giving up , id certainly love to see u do that . You re a dtermind and worthwhile person thats for sure.

    add me hun if ud like to , my msn is trouble.jo@hotmail.co.uk

    im here 4 u , i hope u see some sunshine sweetie

    take care

    love jo xxxxxxxxxx
     
  7. hare

    hare Active Member

    it sounds like you've trooped through a lot. high school is tough to get through if you're suicidal. you made your mom proud of you. you made things better. so why give up when you know that you can make things better?
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    You attained all the goals you set for yourself and turned your life around. now is the time for you to enjoy your accomplishments. Make new goals and strive to achieve them. Death always leaves a mess behind, no matter how prepared one is for it. I would like to hear that you have set positive goals for your future. You have demonstrated that you are an achiever. Set a happy life as a goal. You can attain that too. :hug:
     
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi DPD,
    You have acheived everyting you set your mind to. They are all positive thoughts. You need to bank them, when you get down pull out one of your positive thoughts and kick it's butt.I admire your strength to acheive what you have.
    It sounds like you really love your mom.You need to stop and think what will happen to her if you commit!! Suicide is such a final step, why don't you seek another goal to acheive. You can do it! Take care and if you need some one on one talk feel free tp PM me...
     
  10. i do have a pychiatrist but even he thinks that i am only attention seeking. no one believes me ever.
     
  11. i would really like to keep making more goals but the longer i am here the more that i wish i wasnt. my relationship with my mother is only good because she thinks im no longer "broken" as she likes to call it. i cant keep pretending im something im not. not even for her. if she ever read any of the things that i am writing here she would kick me out the house and never talk to me again...i pay rent...
    you would ask; how do you know that?
    why? because she told me if i ever tried the same stunt again she would never let me near "her" family again. and if i really did kill my self she wouldnt bother holding a memorial for me...it would be too shamful for the family.
     
  12. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    My girlfriend survived a suicide attempt which was very public and for her excruciatingly painful. Her Brother and Sister couldn't be bothered to visit her in the hospital. Her parents were far more concerned with the "shame" she brought to her family and seriously considered moving. Her family has since come around with enlightenment about mental illness.

    Maybe your Mother would gain the empathy you need if she attended a session with your psychiatrist so she could become educated about depression. I hope she would accept the information and a plea from your psychiatrist for understanding and support.
     
  13. yes i thought so too. problem is my pychiatris doesnt think i have any real intention of hurting myself so isnt really bothered by what i say. my mom has taken classes on depression but says its a bunch of bull. says that back in her day a good beating was all it took to keep young ones in line. funny thing is, my moms only 38. shes not even that old!
     
  14. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    If your psychiatrist is not taking you seriously please try to see another one. One who has the intelligence and professionalism to perform their job competently and with the health and safety of their patients as their first priority.

    As for your Mother, she seems content with her outmoded, ignorant ideas at this time. I really hope she'll find the empathy you need and soon. For now the people on this forum are tremendously kind, supportive and available.

    Keep posting :smile:.
     
  15. yes thank you...
     
  16. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey DPD,
    It is not fair for your mother to make threats, That alone is enough to piss most ppl off.I really wish you would reconsider commiting. There is so much to see in this world. Why don't you move away from your mom for a couple of years and let her stew. My point being is she should not say the things she has to you. I moved away for six years no one knew where I had gone so they were tracking me down when I finally called them. It made my family change how they spoke to me because I showed them I wasn't going to take any of there crap.
    As far as your shrink goes, I would look for a new one. When ever someone is talking suicide I take it very serious(myself excluded)! Do you have a therapist you see reguarly? If not you might want to think about getting one.I have found that they are very helpfull. There are a few bad apples who are more concerned about the money. For the most part they are genuially concerned about there clients. I hope this helps you a little!! You are important to me so I am here if you need to talk!!!
     
  17. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother and how unsupportive she is being right now, i really hope things get better for you.
    Keep posting on here, pm me if you wanna talk one to one.
    We'll all listen and help you :)
     
  18. i have tried. in my culture women arent allowed to move out of thier parents house untill they are married.
    as for a therapist; no i dont have one. but i do see my sychiatrist once a week.
     
  19. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi darkpixxseydust. Sorry to hear that your mom isn't being very supportive. Can I ask you what culture are you from (if you don't mind)? Based on your description, you sound like you come from an indian background. In indian culture especially, mental illness is looked down upon, because its a sign of weakness. You're expected to be perfect and when you can not be perfect, then you're just not good enough. It's ok not being perfect. We're only human beings after all, not perfected beings. :hug:
     
  20. Alone613

    Alone613 Active Member

    Sweetie,

    I have one idea to put in front of you. Even if you haven't tried to kill yourself, you have an obsession with suicide, and THAT should be taken very seriously.

    Get to another psychiatrist who understands that there are such things as obsessions which are every bit as dangerous and powerful as an actual attempt to commit suicide.

    Go and find someone who knows what he/she's doing.

    Alone613
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 4, 2008
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