Sayings that I have an issue with

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by NYJmpMaster, Feb 25, 2014.

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  1. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    There are lots of catch phrases that get thrown around that I really take issue with. While many of them have some small foundations in good advice, in general they are just phrases that are said when somebody does not know what else to say. The "just ignore them" when being told how to react to bullying and teasing, the "just forget about it" phrased in any of 100 ways to explain how to deal with a ongoing problem , depression, or preoccupation. While both do apply a certain percentage of the time in some situations, it is not a solution. One phrase that irritates me but i happen to think it is true is the old "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" - it gets said a little too often, but it is true far more often than not and every instance used to debunk it is based on a single persons perspective and a limited amount of time like it has been 4 years and I know it is not changing... I could go into great detail about how I feel about people "knowing it will not get better" and how impressed I am with fact that apparently mental illness as a side effect gives the ability to accurately foretell the course of future events but that is a different topic.

    But the expressions that really make me get perturbed are the ones that so many repeat that are depressed or have some form of mental illness.

    Terminal illness and the way it is often told how some places allow you die if have a terminal illness and it should be your right if you have a right to die because of depression or other mental health issue. My biggest issue with this is simply that apparently the term "terminal illness" is either misunderstood or poorly defined since it is used so casually and incorrectly. Terminal illness is defined "as a disease or condition that disease that cannot be cured or adequately treated and that is reasonably expected to result in the death of the patient within a short or defined period of time". People for some reason like to substitute the term "terminal illness" for chronic illness such as actually applies to mental health conditions (or high blood pressure or diabetes, or heart disease , or 5000 other diseases or conditions). Claiming mental issues are a terminal illness is really offensive to the many many here and in the world that actually have a terminal illness that is going to make them die no matter what they do. In virtually all cases where assisted suicide is discussed as an option , it refers to TERMINAL illness, where death is expected in 6 months no matter what course of treatment is prescribed, not simply being depressed or unhappy for a long time. Not only is the term used completely wrong, it is trying to make the term apply in some sort of self justification that makes absolutely no sense and does not apply in any way.

    "Animals are treated better" I hear this one a lot in chat and on the forums. While it is true in some ways that animals are treated better than people and cared for better than people (though one does not have to look hard to find horrific examples of abuse in both animals and in people), it is always mentioned as an explanation of why suicide should be allowed because we euthanize sick animals and do not euthanize sick people and that is not fair. While I try to see a parallel between these statements, I would offer up as an example that if I said "my dog had been acting depressed, just lying around and not interested in playing, and did not seem to want to be around me as much lately , so i had it put to sleep" that many people would (correctly) think I am a heartless ass and would likely say I should be prosecuted for cruelty. The better one is "why won't they just let me die like they would an animal" - once again , if my dog does not want to play this afternoon - or if it has not in 2 years - and it goes and lies down in the middle of the road , no , I will not let it just lie there and anybody that did is not being reasonable. I do not think that most people are in favor of euthanizing animals that act depressed and even the the euthanization of animals with severe behavior problems such as aggressiveness towards other animals or people is usually not looked upon favorably by most people or groups that claim to love animals or to be in favor of animal rights.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2014
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I agree totally with you i for one hate the line "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" and each time i read it i want to delete it lol
     
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry to go off on the animal category

    Dont agree with you on that, there are pet animals who want to die. They go off to the woods and die, they go under the porch and die. Animals are always going on the road to die! They know its a death sentence, was interesting to watch city raccoons figure out their boundaries documentary I forgot what it was called but they still do it anyways and become road kills. Animals can will themselves to die. Normally in the wild, animals do not live long past their prime, when they get too old, they die. They dont do it on purpose in some cases but there are animals that just die in their sleep like people for unknown reasons just like us. I think if its the will/spirit of the animal just like a person to continue breathing. There are dogs that will lay in the middle of the road same with those birds who will just sit on the middle of the road. Cows sheep whatever animal they know in the animal kingdom that the car is a death sentence its been proven in that raccoon documentary.

    I swear that Birds do it on purpose too. Play chicken with the car while swooping about! They're suicidal in my head, just like the humans playing chicken with their lives and seeing if they'll get a kick out of it.
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am not going to try to discuss whether there are suicidal animals or not and do not believe anybody will prove that one way or the other - I am trying to say that no, we do not euthanize animals for being depressed so claiming that we treat animals better by euthanizing them is utterly ridiculous.
     
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I think all of them are mankind's way to find a solution to the deeper "unmanageable" curveballs that life throws up - we feel we have to say something about everything in order to look like we have handles on it all - when there are many situations in life, as we know, that leave us feeling powerless and beyond words. Dealing with our humanity - in doing this, it's not very helpful to compare our lives with a dog for instance - and those who have never been suicidal themselves are the worst for their attempts to apply salve - (whatever the degree of truth in what they say, it's still an objective opinion as "each heart knows its own sorrow" - subjectively it does nothing, or not much at best).
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere


    duly noted.
     
  7. Adam

    Adam SF Supporter

    Warning Possibly Triggering.


    Phrases I hate with a passion that make me a feel a bit 'aggressive' today to the point I think the people that say it may need a bit of a 'rest' today. Medical opinion however disagrees as a coma is not a bit of a rest and violent assault is not being just a bit aggressive.

    I have been a bit manic today. - (Generally said by an idiot not diagnosed with Bipolar.)

    Oh I see, so you have been awake solid for three days afflicted by creative thoughts that demand to be sated to the exclusion of food, water and a social life. You spontaneously spent 5 grand you don't have on something that any one with a brain would tell you is a stupid purchase for reasons that at the time can only be described as magical. To balance the cosmic energies in a more positive manner. Did you fly off to Turkey without notifying any one on whim with next to no preparation for a reason you can't even remember. Only to wind up Turkish authorities and land in a psychiatric unit where no one spoke your language and you ate string beans and rice every day. While racking up medical costs. Meanwhile friends and family left freaking out as to what happened only to track you down to the unit after some time. Unfortunately in that time you are medicated against your will with drugs that the western world long abandoned and with good reason. With zero ability to get representation for yourself. Unable to be released until your medical bills are paid which keep going up. To the point that to get out of it your father had to wipe out the holiday fund and dig into his savings and pension fly out and get you personally?

    I live with the guilt of that one to this day...

    No? Shut up then. What you really are saying. Is I felt a bit energetic today and got a lot done.

    I have been a bit OCD today. - (Generally said by an idiot not diagnosed with OCD.)

    I can't speak from experience on this one. But, oh I see. So you have pictured beating your husband to death with a meat mallet have you? A thought that repeats and plays out with such visual clarity you feel like you may actually have just done it. Even though it is entirely contrary to who you are and your nature and fact you love your husband? That image returns day after day endlessly. While out shopping the image replays. While sat idling in your car amidst traffic the image replays. While at work in an annoying board meeting the image replays. Leaving you lost for words at a crucial moment. All eyes on you as you go pale and scramble to not look like an idiot.

    Your husband is at home and goes to hug you and kiss you on the forehead, but you want to avoid him. What if you can't control the thoughts and they become an action! He misconstrues your avoidance as his fault for something he has done so seeks to amend things. With constant avoidance though he starts to think there may be a break down in the marriage and sleeps down stairs after you have recoiled from him one too many times or hysterically demanded he get out the kitchen or the bedroom. You act almost hysterical in your efforts to keep him away from you, afraid of what you may do. Afraid to tell any one as you don't want to be locked up, people that want to murder people get locked up don't they, that is what the TV tells you! In amidst that hysteria your children pick up on it and now start to fear divorce. There is a family effort made to take you out for the day show the family is worth fighting for. They wait for you at the car but when you get there the repetitive thought changes, to grabbing the steering wheel in a hard jerk while on the road and ploughing it into the girder rails. The sound of twisting metal goes off in your mind along with the resultant horror show. You freak out tell them you don't want to go anywhere with them and hide in your room. Repeated effort are made to get you to come out. But all involve the car every mention of the car triggers that thought. Even the sight of cars trigger that thought. You take the bus to work from that point on making it a point to stare at the floor so as not to see any cars and suffer that awful image. Time goes on. The family grows more distant and in a row you can't explain you are told you are a horrible mother and nasty to dad. That must be true if you want to kill your family.

    The thought changes. That you are a bad mother a bad wife a bad everything and should kill yourself. An image plays out of doing just that in a manner that would fit well in a Korean horror movie. The image replays day after day, while shopping, while laying awake alone in bed staring at the ceiling with the TV in the background failing to get rid of it. It replays while staring at the floor of the bus. While at work amidst a disciplinary meeting about your tardiness and not being focused on your work. It replays in your empty house with the kids and husband gone. Probably for the best, and it replays, and it replays... the phone goes ignored the knocks at the door go ignored. Messages from work go ignored. There has been no food in the house for a while now. Bad people don't deserve food, or company or a job murderers should die. Waste away to nothing...

    Then a police car rolls up, another car pulls in alongside the drive and woman in a grey suit gets out carrying a briefcase. Your husband is there as well. Both walk towards the door. There is knock and you hear your husband say. “Please open the door and talk to the doctor, I can't bare to see you like this, the kids miss you, I miss you, I don't know what is going on but please open the door.”

    You will note no dishes were washed and nothing was rearranged.

    Was that not even a bit of you amidst your day of being a bit OCD? Well then in that case shut up. What you are really saying is. I got a lot of cleaning done I like things ordered and tidy.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 25, 2014
  8. Xaos

    Xaos Well-Known Member

    This. Most definitely. It's just so dismissive. It's like telling some1 to "man up" when they're in emotional or physical pain. I'm not a fucking robot!

    Yeah, it is kinda true, but when you've been depressed for months on end, or even years, it certainly doesn't seem like 'just' a temporary problem, and the phrase is of no help whatsoever to those in distress.
     
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