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Scared, about to lose a big part of my life.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hache, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member


    Make no bones about it, University saved my life. Not instantly, but gradually. Friends, a social life, responsibility, independence. But in a months time I leave with nothing but memories and I'm not ready.

    You could argue I went to university for the wrong reasons in the first place. I was getting close to suicide, spending days alone hiding in my little corner on the internet. I needed friends, I needed to get out of my room. But now I am about to return to that room, returning to that life. No more student life bubble.

    I have had jobs in an office, in a shop. I know that, for me, the job doesn't save your life, you need a life, work life balance, if you don't have a life then job just drains and makes things worse.

    I've looked at grad jobs, i've applied for one, but I know, in my heart, or is it my head? How do you tell? The job wont bring a life with it. My personality, who I am, I am introvert, naturally harder to forge a life, easier to become depressed because of it. I try to talk to my friends about my fears for the future, they do not understand. I just get the same answers, you'll be fine, join a club, get a job etc. It doesn't work like that, I'd like to think I know a lot more about myself and the way things work for me now as I get older, I know enough to know it won't work. I'd like to think I have generated enough wisdom to know how this is. A fool learns from his mistakes, a wise man has the foresight to not make them.

    I need a circumstance I can grow in, build a life in, I do not see where, the one I had ends in 1 month.

    I am scared, I am heading back to the lonely anxiety, depression, hell ridden life.
  2. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Cant you keep in contact with them ? A job will give you a life
  3. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    I will keep in contact, but thats not the same. Who is there to hang out with, to go out with, to have friends with, they all live 4+ hours, £60 journey away when they go to their home towns.

    Is it going to be like my old life, get a job, get up, go to work, come home, sit on computer in parents house, no freedom, no nothing, no friends. There isn't a simple solution. There arn't simple circumstances to go to. University was that. Now what. I leave as alone as when I went in.

    I know people will say just move out etc etc, but it isn't all that simple, I need a job, one that I will like, is that an option in recession? I don't want some 40 hour week of torture, especially when I'm going to be alone and it is going to be very tough at first. The first 18 months of uni had some hairy moments.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    don't move back in with your parents. do anything you can to avoid that. you have outgrown that life. stay with your friends. they will keep you whole.
    maybe you have to take a crappy job at first, but you can keep looking for something in your field. eventually you will find work in the area in which you trained. friends have saved my life. don't leave them.
  5. starryeyed

    starryeyed Well-Known Member

    Sounds like my life.only im too sick now.least you have your health.but I think you are being negative.least your educated! Well done!!
  6. voa

    voa Member

    I have a friend in a similar situation. he wakes up, goes to work, comes home, drinks, then sleeps. He thinks thats all life has to offer. It's not, man. I suggest going for some obscure hobby like underwater basket weaving. By going to these weird activities, you'll meet new people and make yourself into a better character for the story you call life.
  7. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    All my friends are going off in different directions, they've all got someone to go on with, 3 of them are in relationships going back to their home towns and 2 others knew each other before this and are off together (cannot really follow them before anyone suggests).

    I need something somewhere worth chasing but I cant find that opportunity, I've been looking but nothing is appealing.

    A crappy job (which would have to be back here living at home) would probably make me depressed if I didn't know what was at the end of it.

    Its true I am being negative but all I know of working life is depressing, repetitive, dour life.

    The first part hits home a lot. That is definatly how I see everything, that is all I've experienced in work. Then because I never had relationships outside of work work became all there was in life. It just seems like that will happen again.

    One thing is for sure, in one months time, no matter what, I have nothing. I go on with no friends and no job. I'm so scared because I dont see what is coming as good enough to help me continue to avoid depression. I remember 4 years ago when I had nothing and my parents made me get a job, they said I'd make friends and it would give something for me to do every day. But it didn't. Now if I get a graduate position in my field it certainly wont be something that brings friends.

    It probably seems to everyone that I am just whinging and moaning, but unfortunately this is giving me restless nights.
  8. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I think it will be differant this time, esp if you decide to stay in your own place.

    Back then maybe you didnt have the option of inviting people to hang at your parents house, maybe there was a curfew, maybe you had to be quiet. When I read your post, it makes me think that your a little scared of growing up, which can be a scary thing, things are chaging, people are moving, your probably getting bills and feeling the stress of it all.

    Take a deep breathe, your just moving into the next phase of your life, and the only way you will be stuck in a corner of the internet again is if you let yourself go back to that.

    I know you say a job wont help anything but truly it does, even if just a little-it gets you out of the house everyday-it lets you do things in life (buy groceries or a new pair of shoes) try to find a job that has people your age, plus the bills have to be paid so it will make you feel better to be able to write out those checks every month, not to have to depend on someone else it an awesome feeling. Plus give yourself a break, we get use to one thing then next thing you know life is something totally differant.

    I wish you all the luck on this new chapter, and hope that you turn that anxiety around to excitment.