Scared and alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by famous.last.words, Oct 19, 2008.

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  1. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    I dont know what i can say thats different to everyone else.
    I know my pain isnt special, or unique.

    But im sitting here right now and it all just hurts so much
    physically, like a knife in my chest.
    I cant not cry, i cant stop.

    I should of gone back with them, but what can i give? i love them all so much but im not good enough for them, im not good enough for me.

    I dont want be be on my own anymore.
    Im so scared and i cant do this alone.

    I want someone to hold me, to tell me its all going to be okay and that things will get better.
    But it wont.
    I cant get better.

    I dont have any choices anymore. i have to go.

  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    you don't have to go and you know you have choices, as you know there are people more than willing to help.

    your pain may not be special or unique compared to others but it is to you and thats what matters.

    if i can help i will, as will many others here

    stay safe
  3. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    If these people are willing to take you back then go. They clearly love you, you need to love yourself in order to see that you are worth having htem in your life. If you feel like you should have gone back then go. If you feel like living alone is only harming your psyche(sp) then talk to those people who love you honey and tell them. Tell them you are falling apart.

    You don't need to go anywhere but to those that care. If you hurt yourself I'm sure that those people would be extremely hurt as well. It's hard to see that until it's too late.

    :hug: I'm round if you need to chat just pm me.

  4. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Thank you both so much for replying.
    Your kindness in such a very dark time has made me cry. :hug:

    i need to tell someone im fallung apart, but im so so very scared of reaching out.
    I guess im at the tipping point. i have to reach out. The world wont come falling down, it just feels like it will :nerves:
  5. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed


    Your pain doesn't need to be special or unique for you to reach out to someone and let all your feelings out. I've been at the same place as you, just completely out of strength. Wanting someone to be there, to tell you it will all be okay. I can relate. There are times when I wanted to reach out to someone so much, but I couldn't...

    Send me a PM if you want to talk. I'm always willing to talk. :smile:
  6. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    if you could tell one person how you are felling, who would that be and whats stopping you?
  7. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Thanks Alex, your a good friend.
    I hate to think of you feeling like this, but it makes me feel less alone to know you understand :hug:

    Andy. Im not sure who i would tell. Someone who would take the power out of my hands a little, just look after me. Maybe someone in my family, i guess.

    Whats stopping me? Im not sure its rational, but this feeling that if i tell someone, let myself fall apart in the hope that someone will take control of putting me back together... i dunno. It just feels like the world would fall apart around me. I do a suprisingly good job of projecting normality to the outside world. I hold down a job, just about getting by at uni... im terrified that if i let myself lose that face for just one second it will all disappear. Ill lose the little that i have now and then there really will be nothing left, nothing at all. Right now, i just want to lay down and someone take me somewhere safe, im sick of fighting, im so so so very tired. i dont think i can keep up this front anymore.
  8. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member


    don't forget that I care about you too, and that I'm always happy to listen anytime hun.
  9. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    maybe its time to tell someone close to you, someone to share your feelings, understand them and tell you everything will be alright.

    we all need that someone to hold us and protect us from our pain, dont be ashamed or afraid to reach out , let that mask off for a bit and let someone else hold you up for a bit.

    you are never alone
  10. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    Trust me, you're not alone in this at all. I can understand, and many more people here and around you can understand what you're going through. It's okay that I've felt like that, it means I can be there for people even more if they go through the same thing.

    :hug: Don't worry things will be okay. (Remember, you can PM me if you ever want to talk :smile: )
  11. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    You do have choices, we always have a choice. I really hope you don't go through with this. You can choose to carry on, to fight this, even though it is hard. You have people on here who care about you, and i'm sure irl. Lean on them in your time of need, as i am sure they sometimes lean on you. I'm here for you if you need to talk hun. :hug:
  12. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Again, Thank you for your posts. :hug:

    Im struggling so much, it hurts so deeply.
    Im at the doctors today, to have my meds up'd or changed or otherwise messed about with. Fingers crossed it will take some of the hurt away

    Im sorry im such a burden.

  13. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Well, i went to the docs today.
    i expressly asked to see a particular one, and i got given a new one.
    I was too scared to talk to him. In my head i was screaming but i couldnt get the words out. so i just said 'i want to die'.

    and no shit. he said... 'everyone feels like that sometimes, but you will grow old and have babies, i get some people in here who cant dress themselves or even look up, they are really depressed'.

    Then he gave me the same meds and told me to leave. i said 'but i need help. please' and he said 'sorry, im busy today. come back anytime if you need me' - fucking joke. i was in there tops like 3 mins.

    wow. i really dont know how many times i can be rejected before i just break apart

  14. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    sorry to hear you got palmed off, it takes the piss when this happens.

    keeping calling untill you get to see the one you want, i am sure they will sort it for you and then you can speak openly and honestly to get the help and support you need.

    i know it is tough but hang in there, keep fighting to get what you want.

    be safe :hug:
  15. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Thank you.
    Your kindness is amazing.

  16. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

    Jeez. what a prick. I really think you should complain, if you're strong enough.

    if there's anything I can do, please let me know :hug:
  17. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Give me a hug :cry:
  18. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

  19. kenny

    kenny Well-Known Member

  20. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    3 years ago I first got in contact with a doctor about the depression I was suffering from. At that time I had six visits to the surgery and I saw six different doctors. The best advice they could give me was try going for a walk. It's terrible when they just fob you off like that.This time it only took three visits before they started to take me seriously and now I've seen the same doctor for my last two appointments. He's put me on meds and given me a two month sick note (which is handy cos I walked out of my job last week). I finally believe someone is taking me seriously about this. We all have different reasons for the pain we are in and in that way none of are special but none of are worthless either. Everyone here is worthit and that includes you. You sent me a real nice welcome when I joined here and that was greatly appreciated. You helped me to feel just that little bit better. If there is anything I can do for you please let me know. S.
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